Two Tales of Empathy

When I was in university in the 1990s, the Psyche Department would ask for student volunteers to participate in various studies or experiments.

In one Empathy Exercise, participants were asked to read a story and answer some short questions.

The story was about 1 men playing tennis, one was talented and the other an average player. It was skewed to push the reader sympathy towards the average guy.

I felt bad for the talented one who was always having to play under his game.

I was told this was wrong and that I lacked empathy by the neurotic girl in the program, who was actually being tested, not me.

– end of story 1-

The context of story two I have to withhold – the scenario was a debrief meeting about how I could have done better in an interview for a position, where the outcome had been a forgone conclusion.

We were going over my answers and for one answer, I was advised that the supervisory example that I had used to respond to the question, to them, showed that I lacked empathy.

We continued on for more questions and then I was told that the example I used showed them that I was manipulative.

“Wait a minute. How can I manipulate anyone if I lack empathy?”

Both of the managers looked shocked – and I had to explain that manipulation is a value judgement word about intention or outcome  – manipulation in and of itself is neither here nor there – the good or badness is measured by the outcome and impact of the ends.