Lezflirt: The Basics and Advanced Essentials

Flirt with no expectation of reward

Flirt just for fun, not to keep score or with a win/lose mentality.

Worst case, you hone some skills, practice new material – and if you are really doing it for fun – you get 15%* more attractive to the person you’re flirting with!

Ask specific, but open-ended questions

This demonstrates that you’re interested specifically in HER as a person,  and don’t watch her mouth move so you know when it’s your turn to talk.

Asking yes or no questions does not show interest or much humour or cleverness. Plus, it doesn’t get the girl talking; which you need to do to create an opportunity for the discussion to take a natural amorous turn.

“What do you think about  (some news story fraught with tension)…?” followed by  “Tell me your favorite way to relax.”

Look for humor in what she is saying, and laugh at her jokes if you find them funny. If you can’t make each other laugh – thank her for the conversation and move on.

Well, unless you’re just looking for Ms. Right Now – after all, the only thing standing between you and dates is fussy standards.

Be generous with sincere compliments.

Smile, smile, smile! Be friendly.

Being playful yet persistent, but back away gracefully if you keep getting rebuffed.

Show that you’re a vulnerable, real person, and not a “come on” machine.

Learn to dance. And like it.

Your body is speaking even when you are not. Be aware of what message you’re sending with your stances, your hands your facial expression and vocal tone.

Touch is a powerful communicator. Use touch sparingly and meaningfully  – to non-erogenous zones – and tons of eye contact. Remember, touch should be balanced between being invitational and being a bit daring.

But not stalker creepy.

Anyplace can be a meeting place.

Make where you are work for you. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing – there’s bound to be a gal with a common interest and that is a great conversation opener.

It’s especially important in Net Flirting (or Personal Ads or phone conversations) to use your vocabulary effectively. Remember that 90% of what people think about you comes from your appearance, but without that opportunity, the command of language is crucial.

Take the initiative: other women are shy too!

* Statistics are not verified scientifically and are wholly imaginary – but don’t let that stop you.

Proximity

Get close, across the room is fun, but she may be looking at someone else. Be sure, and get close.

Letting someone into your personal space indicates some interest. Get close and back off a bit, get in close again. While you don’t want to give the impression you’re a boxer, you mostly want to avoid the look of a needy stalker.

Of course, noisy bars provide the best cover for getting close, what was that you said? The music’s so darned loud!!!

Eye Contact

Many animals stare down their prey, so glance around while you converse (but don’t look like you checking out other potential targets) — but when you deliver your key offer, have total eye lock.

Vocal Inflection

Try a slow, low and intimate tone for your most seductive suggestions, varied with your normal voice for normal conversation or set up lines.

Speaking slightly higher than your normal register could be interpreted as nervousness or arousal, so practice with a variety of tonal ranges. It’s okay to be nervous, who wouldn’t be in the same situation?

It gets back to the vulnerability thang being very attractive. After all, aren’t you so brave for making the first move that your intended was too nervous to do?

Hint, imply, tease, titillate, intimate, flirting is verbal foreplay, with the emphasis on PLAY.

Keep it light, witty and coming.

Be Sincere

The woman you are flirting with has feelings, dreams and goals, a job, friends and family, and an existence prior to and after you, and her own flirting agenda. Respect that always.

Always leave room for a mutually graceful exit.

THE DO NOT EVERS!

It’s very possible that being awkward at flirting is sometimes charming, more often than not, it won’t be.

Awkward is very different from the “Aw Shucks” approach – the best example is early Matthew McConaughey movies.  Personally, I find the aw shucks approach distasteful with very insincere undertones. I think that’s because it feels like the sale technique of bait and switch.

Needy is never attractive, nor are “Fixer Uppers” or “Waiting to have someone to blame all my problems on”.

Drama is as Drama Does: Exhausting – avoid and don’t be that person.

While the lesson is that there is no style or line that will work on all people in all situations, there are several behaviours that are more likely deal breakers no matter what style of flirting you develop:

• Flirting is not a one-shot deal. Try, try again! Flirting is not a “Do or Die” scenario, but measured in degrees of success. Maybe you got turned down, but got so far as to buy the drink. Maybe you got a dance with the girl…But maybe pick someone else to flirt with. It’s not the case that if at first you don’t succeed that you’re done for the night. You are really just warming up.
• Talking too much is a sure sign that you aren’t listening. Being listened to, really paid attention to listening – not the so called “active listening” *  – is a very attractive quality, because really, we are all out there trying to meet someone that we can really connect to. Being listened to is the measurement of connections.
• Don’t follow people around or act needy. No one likes a stalker. Well, for any length of time, anyway. It’s not what anyone would consider a long term attractive quality form much more than Ms Right Now.
• Don’t be insincere.In many of life’s arenas, you must be able to fake sincerity. Certainly being sincere is optimal and faking sincerity in non-flirting situations may be good enough, but not so much in dating and mating. Just be honest in what your interest level is. Don’t pretend you’re looking for That Special One to enjoy movies and walks on the beach with, if you’re not. Be clear to yourself what you’re looking for in terms of person and whether it’s one night or are you open to something more substantial or longer?
• Your job, car, how many other women you’ve slept with or your inflated ego is not an aphrodisiac. Showing more interest in HER achievements than your own is a turn-on that is closely related to listening. It’s important enough to mention twice.
• Nothing terminates encounters faster than a Terminator approach. Give others time to get to know you are a person not a “Come on Machine”. How attractive is “Ba-da bing Ba-da boom” to you?
• In the event that you get turned down, exit gracefully. There is no need to be nasty, even if your intended is less than kind in turning your generous offer of your fine self, don’t sink to a childish level.
  • A bow, a wave, a kiss on the hand, paying for a drink as an exit, might make her change her mind, or at least grow up a bit and treat the next unfortunate dyke to flirt with her better. Or maybe you will intrigue one of her pals.
• Everyone’s entitled to a bad day or off night, don’t make it worse, and don’t dwell on it either, sometimes it’s really not about you. Maybe you look or act like an ex of her’s – while maybe not insurmountable to a relationship, it does make getting one started harder. Probably better to try with someone who doesn’t have baggage with/about someone else that you’re going to have to carry.

Remember, you might end up dating a friend of hers, and then she’ll really regret having passed you up.

* Active Listening – is the act of focusing so much on the act of listening (nodding, encouraging yeah, uhhuhs and re-stating what they have said) that you’re not actually listening.