Attraction and Repulsion: Social Laws

Iron filings responding to a magnetic field.
Image by Ahmed Mater http://bit.ly/1c3INM0

Lezflirt asks the Straight Men

When you know a woman is a lesbian – what does that mean to you?

1. She’s a lesbian.

2. She’s a challenge.

3. She just hasn’t had yours yet.

Seriously. If there is any time that you can know that NO MEAN NO: it’s I am a lesbian.

So it’s been quite the adjustment on Fetlife   to be entirely social online since that is not a screen shot or share on my blog site. There is an expectation of privacy.

But more than that, there is for most, a sense of manners, decorum and safety built in.

That said, there are always those few and it tends to be those going for a yes rather than a person.

I have had three conversations with men, which are the inspiration for today’s blog.

Lezflirt Tips for Men

Trying to get a lesbian.

Don’t. It’s not cute, it’s not a negotiation and after you ignore the first no and continue to your objective – it’s harassment.

People have the right to go about their lawful and private business without being beset upon by others who have no interest other than their own.

That includes Trayon Martin type situations, to muggings, to rapes all the way down to conversations.

It comes down to recognizing another person’s personal sovereignty and accepting their expressed identity.

The Movie Method

Geeky and awkward and shy around girls? Make that work for you.

The achey part of this is that had Billy been a bit bolder, he could have gotten the girl.

It was his assumption of being lesser than her, his dwelling on unrealistic goals and poor methodology – all stemming from his self image as rejected by society.

While Penny, could only respond to the positive attention – never realizing Captain Hammer’s affection was less to do with her and more to do with Billy. Her own longing for Billy and his not seeing it, blinded by his need and adoration of her…..

So the three conversations – for compare and contrast –

#1 – Had a good opening approach but didn’t take direction well and he did not engage in conversation with me.

He started with acknowledging that it was probably outside of my interest, then explained his fantasy.

I responded thanking him and saying he was correct, his fantasy was not mine.

At that juncture, I tried to change the conversation, but he kept describing his fantasy and trying to court me as a man would to a woman – which was rather the opposite of his fantasy curiously enough.

I ended up blocking him and disappearing, so in a sense, I did treat him like he thought women should be treated. But, I told him upfront, I was not into him.

#2 – asked if I would consider male playmates and graciously accepted my decline.

So tip for getting straight gals : women love being listened to with not only words, but actions that indicate having not only heard but understood – the often missing second step of what is known as Listening.

#3 asked if would consider male playmate. Appeared to accept the no and has now returned to whine and try to make himself appealing by talking about his needs.

So, when someone is not into you – this is a poor choice to attempt to connect to someone else.

Showing no interest in a person, no shared interests and they tell up front is more than a clue or a hint. Polite and clear reality checks.

so guys, when you want to get the person- show interest in the person.

If all you are interested in is your own fantasy – then that is going for a yes.

there is nothing wrong with that, but your score ratio is going to be lower with a female target audience than a male one.

The cost of sex is biologically higher for women than men.

So you have several options.

To attract mates to you – and basically employ the Bower Bird Strategy of creating a context and attracting interest

or you go out looking for mating opportunities, in which case – go for the yes more playfully because rejection hurts less that way and it helps maintain a perspective to consider it a game – the Barney How I Met Your Mother Attitude basically.

You will get the girls sometimes, but not as often if you were going for the specific woman – which can be for a short term or longer term or actual long haul.

the lesbian world term is U-Haul.. what do lesbians take on a second date?

and the best way to get a girl interested in you

is to be interested in her first

respect

resonance

reciprocity