the queer community also has nice people and assholes
so we need to be able to say and sort out if we are gonna work together
as a dyke and as a canadian, being a positive ambassor is the first step to make allies into friends
and an ally is someone who works with you on your issue and askes for help with theirs
it’s not a one way deal.
anyway, that is more an in-community than out-community discussion.
it is never okay to say “genocide” or “registered with government” about a demographic of people.
and let’s be honest, saying you’re bisexual reduces your chances of a date
In canada, it’s been a decade since marriage equality, while America is the last of the G20 nations to catch up.
my name is nina and I am 48 and gay divorced. It’s nice to meet everyone.
I have non-combat PTSD and I am more afraid of you than any of you might be of me.
so, can we talk now?
I’ll start: anyone who is “Log Cabin Republican” is a for me and all others under the bus.
just like those who use them as politically correct optics dressing. as Dan Savage called them “porch faggots”
Social Oppression has it’s impact on us as people and as couples.
It is hard to not listen to years of “you can’t have children because I am not capable to teach my children to behave better than I do.”
It’s a curious approach to birth control.
Hello, my name is Nina, I am a 48 year old lesbian and I say it can get better. I am gay divorced and agoraphobic, but I haven’t given up yet.
Related on this blog:
My early romances were, well, all over the map. But, I wouldn’t trade that crush on any woman who happened along phase for anything – it was an exciting if exhausting time.
And, I learned a lot. Not just naughty stuff, but about people and life.
My first rule for potential relationships is never fall in love with anyone who’s already in love with someone straight, dead or else.
There is an unease in the gay community about bisexuals – partly fear and partly jealousy. Or at least, when I came out in the 90’s there was, I can only hope it’s not so much now.
But mostly because we were jealous that bisexuals could access straight privilege and afraid to be left by them for an opposite gender person – being left for another woman would hurt, but you could think, I was the wrong woman – being left for a man? Well, why the heck were they with me if that’s what they wanted.
It took me a few bi girlfriends to understand that it’s not fence sitting or fickle, but rather a genuine non-judgmental sexuality where it really was about the person, not the plumbing.
It was good that I learned that, because it let me really give back to a woman I was introduced to at a time when I really wanted a girlfriend.
A lesbian friend of mine tried to set me up with a friend of hers. I say tried, because she’d brought this gal along to a group outing without telling me it was a set up.
The gal was in a relationship with a man (living together) and was thinking she might be bi.
She was very confused since the people she talked to the boyfriend and our mutal friend both wanted her to pick sides. The boyfriend obviously wanted her to be straight, while the lesbian friend refused to believe in bisexuals and tried to influence her to be a lesbian.
And that’s where I came in. We talked, we danced and had a fun time – and when she was leaving the dance, I walked her outside to wait for her ride home to arrive.
She was nervous to be alone, and being the generous sort that I am, I put the cards on the table.
“Do you want me to kiss you now or when your roommate comes for show?”
“Now” she said, “I don’t want an audience.”
I was happy to be her first girl kiss, and it was pretty magical.
But then, she felt guilty and admitted that it was her roommate and her boyfriend who were due to arrive.
I told her that I had known, that our mutual lesbian friend had explained the situation to me.
I asked her if she was willing to leave the guy to explore her new identity and she said no.
I asked her if she’s given up other men for him – of course she said
So why does it matter if you’re happy with him that you’ve also given up women?
The relief that flooded her face and body was amazing.
I saw her another time for a friendly coffee and I went to a cafe where she was having an art show. I can only hope it’s as sweet a memory for her as it was for me.
Mostly I am glad that I was able to give her permission to enjoy her heterosexual relationship without guilt or pressure.
It’s funny to me how many times that I have been asked to give people permission to live the life that they want to; and every time, it’s been about sexuality.
If there’s anything a person should know about themselves, it’s sexuality. Know what you’re attracted to, what you like, and don’t be afraid to be yourself.
It doesn’t matter what you like, as long as you don’t harm other people – unless they give you permission to and establish a safe word.