Screenplay: Killer Clique

Killer Clique
by
Nina Tryggvason
(c) 2006 Lavender Productions

 

I think that this is the actual last original script I wrote. I tweaked earlier ones for a while.
EXT. LOVER’S LANE – FRIDAY NIGHT
A wooded bluff over looking a small town is the local make
out area for teens.
A row of recent model cars with steamy windows lines the
edges of what seems to be a dirt parking lot in the forest.
Some cars are bouncing more than others.
INT. CHASE’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
CHASE MORTON (17, football captain) is making out with
CHANTAL GLADWIN (17, head cheerleader).
Chase slides his hands under Chantal’s skirt.
CHANTAL
Stop, stop it.
Chantal smacks his hands.
Chase raises his hands in surrender and leans away from
Chantal.
CHASE
It was your idea to come here.
CHANTAL
I told you it was first base only
tonight.
CHASE
Yeah, and I told you Coach lied
about no sex before a game.
Chantal slides off of Chase.
CHANTAL
So stupid, it’s not about you, I’m
on the rag.
Chase scrambles away from Chantal and out of the car.
CHASE
Gross!
Chase frantically brushes the front of his unmarked jeans.
Chantal gets out of the car and slams the door.
There is a distinct pause in most of the other bouncing cars,
as windows roll down slightly to listen.
CHANTAL
Nice, really nice. You should be
glad, considering I’m late, Mr.
Won’t Shower in a Raincoat.
Chase glares at the other cars.
CHASE
We can talk on the way home.
Chase grabs Chantal’s arm too rough as he tries to force her
back in the car.
Chantal struggles against him, bumping her head.
CHANTAL
Forget it, I’d rather walk, you
selfish prick.
Chase lets her go.
CHASE
I’m not chasing after you.
Chantal walks towards the dirt road, passed cars resuming
their bouncing.
She glances back at Chase.
Chase heads into the forest.
EXT. DIRT ROAD TO LOVERS LANE – LATER
Chantal rubs her arms as she walks. She alternately glares
and then glances back to Lovers Lane, looking for a car to
hitch a ride.
CHANTAL
I should get pregnant, that would
see him right. Say goodbye to your
scholarship, Chase Morton.
An older model car drives slowly from Lover’s Lane.
Chantal flags it down.
The car stops a bit up the road. The high beams come on.
Chantal shields her eyes.
CHANTAL (cont’d)
Hey, butthead, turn down the beams!
2.
The ENGINE REVS.
Chantal flips off the unseen driver and turns her back to the
car.
The car jumps forward, swerving to bump Chantal.
Chantal tumbles head over heels, SCREAMING.
Chantal lands in the gravel roadside, knees, hands and face
bleeding. But nothing broken. Yet.
The car holds back, waiting, REVVING.
Chantal pushes herself up to a kneeling position.
CHANTAL
Sonovabitch.
Chantal stands, painfully. Her hip is sore. She rolls her
shoulders.
The car pulls forward a few inches, menacing her.
CHANTAL
You’re so fucking tough, get outta
the car, face me, MoFo.
The car REVS as both the gas and brake are applied. TIRES
SQUEAL.
Chantal pees in fear.
The car lurches forward.
Chantal heaves her purse at the car, striking the windshield.
CRACK
Chantal turns and runs down the road.
The car purposefully stays a foot or so behind her as she
weaves.
Almost tripping, Chantal jumps sideways and heads for the
trees.
The car speeds up quickly, striking her hard and sending her
head first into a large tree trunk. SCREEEEAAAAM. THWACK.
3.
CAR DOOR OPENS.
The KILLER (baggy clothes disguising the height/gender) moves
to Chantal and turns her over.
Her head lolls in a distinctly dead manner. Eyes are glassy.
Grabbing her feet, the killer drags her partway back to the
car.
The killer drops her feet and looks up and down the road.
Moving quickly to the trunk, the killer pulls out a shower
curtain.
The curtain is pre-folded in a first aid stretcher fold
(lengthwise, half-folded like a map, the rest extended). The
Killer tucks the curtain along Chantal, and then pulls her
over the folded part.
Reaching across her body, the Killer reaches underneath
Chantal and extends the folded shower curtain out from under
her. The killer then rolls her up like a carpet.
Dragging her the rest of the way to the car, the killer
bodily lifts Chantal and stuffs her in the trunk.
The killer SLAMS the trunk and then jumps into the car.
The car PEELS down the road, leaving a cloud of dust in the
air.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – MONDAY MORNING
STUDENTS (all cliques from grade 10 to 12) head into the main
doors from buses, parent drop off and a few with their own
cars.
A Police car pulls up.
THREE STONER KIDS run for it.
OFFICER SARA TODD (30’s, butch) and OFFICER SURJIT SANGHA
(30’s) head into the school through the parting students.
Officer Sangha carries a file box.
The students close rank behind them.
Chase waves over his football pals – TOM (17), STEVE (17) and
DOUG (17).
4.
CHASE
Whaddya think that’s about?
TOM
Not the stoners, cops didn’t give
them a second glance.
STEVE
Isn’t it like career day?
DOUG
Who cares? So, Chase, you and
Chantal broken up or what?
Chase glares at Doug, who does not back down.
DOUG (cont’d)
Hey, I’m the only first stringer
she hasn’t done yet, and I’ve been
patient.
Tom and Steve nod sagely. Chase caves.
CHASE
Have her then. I’m done with her
stupid games.
“PLAIN” JANE McCORMICK (17, ugly duckling) walks by and
smiles at Chase.
Chase ignores her. Tom notices and nudges Chase.
TOM
Hey, you got them lining up
already.
CHASE
Get standards, Tom. Plain Jane?
Seriously.
Plain Jane is crushed and she rushes into the school.
INT. PRINCIPAL TYLER’S OFFICE- CONTINUOUS
The office is small and precision organized. You get the
feeling the plastic was just taken off the guest chairs.
PRINCIPAL TYLER (50’s, thin nervous man) looks palely at a
file folder.
Officers Todd and Sangha look grim and official.
5.
OFFICER TODD
She was found by hikers, up near
the bluffs.
OFFICER SANGHA
Lover’s Lane, as the kids call it.
Principal Tyler closes the folder with crime scene photos.
OFFICER TODD
We need to know who hated Chantal
Gladwin.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
She was head cheerleader…
OFFICER TODD
So, everyone then.
Officer Sangha nudges Todd.
OFFICER TODD (cont’d)
Sorry. Chantal ever report anyone
threatening her or do you have
anyone who would fit the profile?
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Profile? We don’t have a lot of
bullying, we’re a small school in a
small town, there’s only 100
students here, most of these kids
grew up together.
OFFICER TODD
The usual suspect is a creepy,
ineffectual male who is a victim of
bullies, not a lot of friends.
OFFICER SANGHA
Sometimes people harbour grudges
for a long time, this could be
related to elementary school
events.
Principal Tyler opens a drawer and pulls out an industrial
sized bottle of antacid tablets. Only one tablet falls out.
He pulls out a second, sealed bottle and opens it. Dry
swallows two more tablets.
He glances down at the file folder – a photo of Chantal, her
bashed in face made up like Tammy Faye Baker Junior, has
slipped out on his desk.
6.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Chantal didn’t wear make up like
that, she was a very fashionable
girl.
Officer Todd and Sangha exchange concerned looks.
OFFICER SANGHA
We were going to ask about that.
OFFICER TODD
A lock of her hair was also taken.
Looks like we may have a problem.
He presses the intercom button.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Miss Gravely, get me the number for
that grief counselling service.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – MONDAY MIDDAY
Students are pouring out of the school, gathering in their
groups, ad hoc gossiping about Chantal’s murder.
A White Panel Van pulls up to the school – marked HAVE COUCH
WILL TRAVEL COUNSELLING SERVICES.
Two TV media Vans pull up.
The NATIONAL MEDIA CREW pour out of their van and start
taking immediate pick up shots.
The LOCAL NEWS CREW amble out of the van, nods to a few
students.
Students wander over, hoping to get picked for interviews.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – MONDAY LATE AFTERNOON
The flag is at half-mast and surrounded by flowers, pom-poms,
stuffed toys and other memorial offerings appropriate to a
teen girl cheerleader.
Chase, Tom, Doug and Steve congregate near the flag pole.
CHASE
I can’t believe Chantal….
7.
DOUG
Do the police suspect you?
CHASE
Let me check, you guys are on my
side right? You’re my friends?
TOM
Hey, c’mon, of course you didn’t do
it. But….you guys were fighting
pretty loud.
CHASE
Chantal and I argued all the time.
I didn’t kill her, I…had feelings
for her.
STEVE
Don’t spaz, just talking, you saw
her last.
CHASE
No, I saw her second to last.
Tom, Doug and Steve back down.
STEVE
Hey, it’s just what they say on cop
shows.
Chantal’s cheerleader friends, GWEN (17), AJA (17) and TAWNEE
(17) slink over to the boys.
Gwen pairs up with Doug and Aja with Tom.
Steve moves to put his arm around Tawnee, but she stands
close to Chase.
Chase shifts uncomfortably.
Steve’s face hardens. He looks around the courtyard, but
there are no other cheerleader calibre girls to be seen.
On the front steps, Plain Jane talks with SULKY SUE (17, mild
Goth).
Steve stares at Chase, pointedly.
Chase looks at Tawnee.
CHASE
Hey, Tawnee, I think you’re making
Steve feel left out.
8.
TAWNEE
I’m just worried about you Chase, I
mean, I just got promoted to head
cheerleader and now you don’t have
a homecoming date.
CHASE
Some respect, Chantal was your
friend.
TAWNEE
Chase, Homecoming’s this Saturday,
how much time do you need?
Steve and Chase walk away in disgust.
Tom and Doug extract themselves from Gwen and Aja and run
after Steve and Chase.
Tawnee looks at Gwen and Aja.
TAWNEE (cont’d)
Being upset is no reason to not be
practical, we’re not going to stop
living. Am I right?
AJA
So, Steve’s free then?
Tawnee turns on her.
TAWNEE
As soon as Chase gets the stick out
of his ass.
GWEN
I don’t have to trade up if I don’t
want to, do I?
Tawnee gives Gwen a hard up and down look.
TAWNEE
No, Doug’s the kicker, that’s as
high in the team as you’d
realistically get.
Gwen takes this as a compliment.
Tawnee and Aja walk away.
Gwen gets it.
9.
GWEN
Hey…
Tawnee gives her a hard look over her shoulder.
Gwen caves.
GWEN
Wait for me.
Plain Jane and Sulky Sue (wearing iPod, fiddling with a
Blackberry) watch the adjusted Cheerleader Squad enter the
school.
SULKY SUE
They are too shallow to even
realize how shallow they are.
(chipper)
Hey, I got interviewed by three
different news programs, I can burn
all the clips to a DVD if you want.
PLAIN JANE
My computer doesn’t play DVDs.
SULKY SUE
You can watch the clips on my blog,
I’m an A-lister now that’s
something big’s finally happened in
this one horse town.
PLAIN JANE
So, you’re not riding out when it’s
your turn for the horse?
SULKY SUE
Depends on if things quiet down
before it’s my turn.
PLAIN JANE
If things don’t quiet down, I’d
think you’d want to get out. I
would.
SULKY SUE
If there’s one thing I know, it’s
that killers go after girls they
can never hope to get, Plain Jane.
Plain Jane bristles at the nickname.
10.
PLAIN JANE
Well, Sulky Sue, I think I am a
little above the dating league of
some creepy killer. I could do a
make over.
SULKY SUE
Pl…Jane, seriously, a make over
is not going to make you a
cheerleader, you need to go goth,
sexy ugly is always in.
PLAIN JANE
That only works if you’re making
sexy ugly, not the other way
around.
Sulky Sue checks her blackberry.
SULKY SUE
Hey, my blog just got it’s
millionth hit!
Sulky Sue wanders away, enamoured with her little toy.
PLAIN JANE
I gotta get something from my
locker, wait for me?
Plain Jane enters the school.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY
Lockers, classroom doors, trash bins, drinking fountains and
posters for tickets for the Homecoming Football game on
Friday and the Homecoming Dance Saturday night.
STUDENTS move in clique packs through the halls, ignoring or
teasing each other.
A single rose is taped to a locker. Tawnee, Gwen and Aja
approach it.
TAWNEE
Do you think Chase put that there?
GWEN
I think he cared for Chantal, she
was more than a pair of great
boobs.
11.
AJA
We should probably clean it out,
give her personal stuff back to her
parents.
TAWNEE
The school will do that, but
there’s is some stuff we should get
out that she wouldn’t have wanted
her parents to know about.
Tawnee touches the locker almost reverently. She unlocks it.
The door swings open. There’s pictures of the cheerleading
squad, a big picture of Chase, the locker is neat and
decorated. Books are neatly stacked and a long coat hides the
bottom of the locker.
Tawnee pulls out a make up bag from the top shelf and opens
it. It’s full of condoms, lube, birth control pills. Tawnee
puts it in her bookbag.
Gwen takes the coat and puts it on.
GWEN
I always loved this coat.
AJA
What’s that big jar in the bottom?
The three step back.
It’s a glass gallon jar with two round pink breasts.
TAWNEE, AJA AND GWEN SCREAM.
Students gather, look, stare in shock, SCREAM.
Aja runs in a blind panic down the hallway.
Tawnee slams the locker shut.
TAWNEE
Gwen, go get a teacher.
Gwen is frozen in shock.
TAWNEE
GWEN!
Gwen looks at Tawnee, her face white and tears welling in her
eyes. She crosses her arms over her chest.
12.
TAWNEE
Get a teacher, now. Go.
Gwen nods and starts to move down the hall.
Tawnee slides to the floor, her back firmly pressed against
the locker.
Crying, she looks up at the crowd of students.
TAWNEE
Get to class you freaks! Peep
show’s over.
The students mill away.
Tawnee covers her face with her hands and just cries.
INT. SCHOOL FOYER – DAY
A blow up of Chantal hangs in the foyer, a memorial wreath
and a Book of Grieving for people to sign.
Plain Jane looks at the line of silent and solemn STUDENTS
far below Cheerleader social standing waiting to sign the
book.
JACQUELYN (17, Prom Committee Chair) flanked by TWO PRETTY
GIRLS enters the foyer.
JACQUELYN
Okay, we’re gonna need that taken
down, and I want streamers from
that corner to over here, and criss
crossed…
PRETTY BLONDE jumps the line of students and starts taking
down the Chantal display.
AD HOC PROTESTS
Hey, we didn’t sign yet.
What are you doing?
Who do you think you are?
Jacquelyn turns fiercely on the group.
JACQUELYN
I know this won’t mean much to you
people, but Homecoming is two weeks
away and we have a lot of
organizing to do.
13.
GREEN HAIR GEEK BOY
We want to sign the book.
JACQUELYN
You really think her parents want
to read “Glad you’re gone bitch”
that many times?
GASPS, AD HOC PROTESTS
Jacquelyn grabs the book.
JACQUELYN (cont’d)
This is those grief counsellors
trying to do a grief study, get
real. Chantal wouldn’t have given
any of you the time of day.
MR. TURNER (40’s, creepy ineffectual male who watches the
girl’s breasts constantly) enters.
MR. TURNER
What’s this disturbance?
Jacquelyn turns sweetness and light, and plumps out her chest
for good measure.
JACQUELYN
Mr. Turner, my committee and I are
just trying to respectfully take
down this display and start
decorating for Homecoming.
MR. TURNER
Very good, carry on Jacquelyn. To
class with the rest of you, to
class.
Students disperse.
Mr. Turner heads to the administration office.
Plain Jane follows him.
PLAIN JANE
Mr. Turner?
Turner stops and turns. He quickly scopes Plain Jane out and
then talks to her face.
MR. TURNER
Yes?
14.
PLAIN JANE
Is it true? Did they find..part..of
Chantal in her locker?
MR. TURNER
I don’t think I should talk to you
about this, there will be something
later. Go to class, Jane.
Plain Jane steps back.
PLAIN JANE
Okay, sorry for asking, Mr. Turner.
Just some kids were talking, and I
just couldn’t beleive it.
Mr. Turner scopes Plain Jane out again.
MR. TURNER
You don’t have anything to worry
about, it’s probably a one off and
the perp long since out of town.
PLAIN JANE
Gee, I feel so much better, Mr.
Turner. You tell me, how does a
drifter opportunistically kill a
girl and put her body parts in her
locker?
Plain Jane turns on her heel and walks away quickly.
Mr. Turner opens and closes his mouth.
Students look at him in some horror.
GOSSIPING STUDENTS
She’s right.
It has to be someone local.
Who knows her…
INT. PRINCIPAL TYLER’S OFFICE- CONTINUOUS
Principal Tyler eats more antacids.
MS. PHETT (30’s, classic elegance) stands near the bookcase.
Mr. Turner enters. He stops short when he sees Ms. Phett.
MR. TURNER
Miss Fit…
15.
MS. PHETT
That’s Miz Phett, Mister Turner.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Good of you to both attend, I won’t
keep you long, we all want to get
home. Please be seated.
They each take a seat, Ms. Phett more aggressively.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
With the retiring this year of Mr.
Rumple, and no budget to hire a
third science teacher, I will be
promoting Ms. Phett to the
department head position.
Mr. Turner stands.
MR. TURNER
I’ve been teaching here a lot
longer than….she has.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Mr. Turner, Jack, sit down. This is
not about seniority. Ms. Phett is
simply the better candidate.
Mr. Turner moves to the door.
MR. TURNER
I have a class, congratulations,
misfit.
MS. PHITT
Mr. Turner, before the next science
department meeting…
MR. TURNER
Yes?
MS. PHITT
Write out my name 100 times and
learn to pronounce it.
Mr. Turner storms out.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Ms. Phett, was that strictly
necessary?
16.
MS. PHITT
You and I agreed, he has to be the
one to quit, the union….
PRINCIPAL TYLER
I know, it’s just…
MS. PHETT
Yes?
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Something that police woman said,
about creepy ineffectual males…
Ms. Phett looks at the door with almost respect.
MS. PHETT
Point taken, I’ll try not to rattle
his cage too hard.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
You know what was found in Chantal
Godwin’s locker?
MS. PHETT
I understand from the student
rumour mill, that her breasts
where.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Yes, they were. The police told me
that the killer had also removed
another body part, but they didn’t
say what.
Ms. Phett and Principal Tyler look at the doorway.
MS. PHETT
You said something about creepy and
ineffectual males?
EXT. TOWN STREET @ JACQUELYN’S HOUSE – MONDAY EARLY EVENING
Jacquelyn breaks off from her Homecoming Committee Pretty
Girls and heads up the walkway to her house.
17.
JACQUELYN
(on cell phone)
Sure, Tawnee, no problem, yeah, I
can’t imagine having all those
losers signing a memorial book for
me either. Chantal must be
spinning.
Jacquelyn pauses to look up at the sky.
JACQUELYN
Tawn, are you okay? I mean,
seriously, I heard about
the…Sure, I understand.
Jaquelyn spies Chase lingering in the bushes.
JACQUELYN
Hey, uh, yeah, my Mom’s waving at
me, I gotta go, you take care of
yourself, stay home tomorrow, you
deserve it. Gotta go, bye.
Jacquelyn turns off the phone. She perks up and slinks over
to Chase.
JACQUELYN
Hiding in my bush, Chase?
Chase blushes and steps out of the bushes.
CHASE
Sorry, I didn’t mean, to um,
startle you, I just, didn’t want,
those media vans are still around
and I…
JACQUELYN
Wanted some privacy to talk to me?
CHASE
Yes, I did. Can we go inside?
Jacquelyn grabs Chase’s hand and practically drags him up the
stairs.
Plain Jane and Sulky Sue walk by.
A media van slowly cruises the street half a block down.
SULKY SUE
I guess Homcoming Committee Chair
is going for Homecoming Queen slut.
18.
PLAIN JANE
You mean slot, Homecoming Queen
slot.
SULKY SUE
No, I didn’t.
INT. JACQUELYN’S LIVINGROOM – CONTINUOUS
The room is pastel modern decor with one wall painted Hunter
Green as a feature wall. The furnishings are modular and
there are only a few blown glass ornaments. There is nothing
cosy or family comfortable in this room.
CHASE
I wanted to-
JACQUELYN
Take me upstairs?
Chase steps back toward the door.
CHASE
No, I wanted-
JACQUELYN
Take me to Homecoming?
CHASE
Thank you for taking down that
Chantal display, it was morbid, too
hard to look at.
Jacquelyn advances on Chase.
JACQUELYN
Chase, I’d do anything to make it
easier for you, I mean, you have to
concentrate on the big game Friday.
CHASE
Thanks, Jacquelyn, for
understanding.
JACQUELYN
I can be very understanding.
CHASE
I don’t understand.
19.
JACQUELYN
C’mon Chase, I’m throwing myself at
you, my parents aren’t due home for
like an hour.
Chase brightens up.
CHASE
Oh, sure, Jacquelyn, I’m flattered.
JACQUELYN
But you’re still too upset over
Chantal?
CHASE
Well, no, I mean, I am upset over
Chantal, but seriously, you’re hot
and I’d be stupid to turn you down.
I thought you were just teasing.
Jacquelyn grins big time and grabs Chase’s hand.
Through the front window on the street, Plain Jane tugs on
Sulky Sue’s arm.
EXT. TOWN STREET @ JACQUELYN’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
PLAIN JANE
You were right.
The two girls continue walking.
The media van drives by them.
Sulky Sue waves. VAN REPORTER squints, recognizes Sulky Sue,
waves back and signals the driver to keep going.
SULKY SUE
I guess my fifteen minutes are
over. Unless someone else dies. I
hope Tawnee gets it too.
PLAIN JANE
Sue! That’s horrible, take it back.
SULKY SUE
What? It’s not like she’s a nice
person.
PLAIN JANE
Doesn’t mean you can say awful
things like that. It’s creepy.
20.
Sulky Sue looks down at her Goth clothes and then looks at
Plain Jane. Seriously?
EXT. TOWN STREET @ JACQUELYN’S HOUSE – MONDAY NIGHT
Jacquelyn takes the trash to the curb.
Glancing over her shoulder back at the house, and not seeing
anyone, she pulls out her cell phone.
JACQUELYN
Tawnee? You’re never going to
believe who I am going to
Homecoming with….Chase…he came
over to my house today and we did
it…yes, I called to rub your face
in it. I know I’m being a bitch,
but I’m too happy to care about
that right now.
Rustling in the bushes.
Jacquelyn looks coyly at the bushes.
JACQUELYN
I have to go, I think he came back
for more. And I am going to give it
to him.
Jacquelyn tucks her phone away and saunters over to the
bushes.
JACQUELYN
Chase?
A hand reaches out of the bushes and beacons Jacquelyn in.
She parts the branches and steps in. THUMP.
Jacquelyn falls just inside the bushes, an arm extending out
to the yard.
Her arm disappears into the brush.
EXT. CLEARING ON THE BLUFF – NIGHT
Jacquelyn is tied up and gagged, laying on her back near a
campfire. Ropes run from each wrist and ankle to stakes in
the ground and then to deeply bent over trees surrounding the
clearing.
21.
She has a lump on her forehead. She struggles against her
bonds, as she can’t see the trees for the forest.
An open suitcase of name brand cosmetics is on the other side
of the fire.
A closed and slightly larger matching suitcase lies beside
it.
FOOTSTEPS approach.
Jacquelyn strains her head to try to see if it’s her captor
or rescue.
A shadowy killer, wearing baggy jeans and a hoodie pullover
with the hood up and over the face prevents the identity
being revealed. Of course.
JACQUELYN
(gagged)
Pleathe, pleathe, hlet me gowww.
The killer opens the suitcase, full of blunt and sharp
weapons, a few dildos and bottles of lube.
Jacquelyn SCREAMS.
The killer strokes a very large double ended dildo.
The killer’s shadowed face turns to Jacquelyn.
JACQUELYN
Pleathe, I..anythwing, do
anythwing…
The killer puts the dildo down and picks up a penis gag. The
killer walks to Jacquelyn.
Jacquelyn cries and turns her head side to side, struggling
against the ropes.
The killer hesitates.
Jacquelyn’s struggles loosens her right arm stake.
The tree, no longer bound by the stake, straightens up –
jerking Jacquelyn’s arm right out of the socket – WET POPPING
SOUND OF JOINT RIPPING.
Jacquelyn SCREAMS. Her upper body is partly raised, her arm
pulled outward and out of it’s socket.
The killer shakes their head.
22.
Jacquelyn weeps.
The killer removes her cloth gag.
JACQUELYN
Please, please, let me go.
The killer forces the penis gag into her mouth, tying it
tightly at the back of her head.
Jacquelyn can’t talk anymore, but she’s too afraid to
struggle further. Her eyes plead with the killer.
The killer turns and calmly selects a heavy golf club.
The killer uses the club to knock the stake near her left leg
from the ground.
The rope tightens sharply as the tree straightens up, yanking
Jacquelyn viciously in a tug of war between the two
diagonally opposite trees.
Jacquelyn SCREAMS.
The killer pushes down on the penis gag, choking off her
cries.
The killer moves to her right leg stake – THWACK – MUFFLED
SCREAMS
A SICKENING WET CRUNCH of a leg joint popping out of it’s hip
socket.
Jacquelyn passes out from pain. Everything goes dark.
THWACK. SICKENING WET ARM POPPING CRUNCH
EXT. TOWN STREET @ JACQUELYN’S HOUSE – TUESDAY MORNING
Plain Jane and Sulky Sue walk by Jacquelyn’s house.
A police car is parked out front.
Chase pulls up, but pulls away quickly when he sees the
police car.
SULKY SUE
Hey, do you think Jacquelyn’s dead?
PLAIN JANE
Cops could be here for a lot of
reasons.
23.
SULKY SUE
Then why’d your boyfriend just race
out of here?
PLAIN JANE
Sulk, why would you say such a
thing?
SULKY SUE
Something to say. Hey, if enough of
these bimbos die off, you would be
the prettiest girl in school.
PLAIN JANE
That’s a horrible thought.
SULKY SUE
You don’t know me at all, do you?
Plain Jane looks hard at Sulky Sue, like Plain Jane is the
most alone person in the whole universe.
Sulky Sue is to self absorbed to get it.
PLAIN JANE
We know each other as much as
anyone can ever know someone else.
SULKY SUE
I’ll bet we could find out who the
killer is.
PLAIN JANE
How?
SULKY SUE
We skip school and act like it was
us – that would force the killer to
kill again, because people who do
this want to get caught – no sense
doing a crime and not getting the
credit for it.
PLAIN JANE
Not that if you can’t be famous, be
infamous theory again.
SULKY SUE
But it’s true, people want to be
famous, hey, if we crack the case,
my blog hits will go through the
roof.
24.
PLAIN JANE
Oh, well, as long as it;s for the
right reasons, sure, let’s get in
the middle of the police
investigation.
Sulky Sue sulks as they walk.
PLAIN JANE
Look, I didn’t mean to dump on your
idea.
SULKY SUE
Well, for not meaning to….
PLAIN JANE
Okay, I give. I know what we have
to do. We just follow the pretty
girls, see what they do, become
one, be the bait.
SULKY SUE
Jane Goodall didn’t get a species
change, we just need to observe.
Plain Jane sulks. Not as well as Sulky Sue, but the attempt
is solid.
SULKY SUE
Jane, isn’t the lesson of all those
hokey movies you watch to accept
and love yourself?
PLAIN JANE
Yes, but not usually until they’ve
had a kick at the can at how the
other half lives. You want me to do
this half-assed?
Sulky Sue glances at Plan Jane’s ass.
SULKY SUE
I see you don’t do anything by
halves.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – TUESDAY
Students arrive at the school, hook up with their fellow
cliques and walk solemnly passed the growing Chantal memorial
around the flagpole.
Police Car pulls up.
25.
Officers Todd (carrying file box) and Sangha get out.
Steve, Tom and Doug stand near the edge of the court yard.
Chase pops out of the bushes, and taps Steve.
Steve SHRIEKS. Chase ducks down.
CHASE
It’s Chase, stupid.
Everyone looks.
Steve waves.
STEVE
(sing songy)
I’m okay, saw a spider.
Students go about their business.
Steve turns and looks in the bushes.
STEVE
Why are you hiding?
CHASE
Jacquelyn’s dead.
DOUG
What? How do you know?
CHASE
Police car outside her house this
morning.
TOM
Maybe they got broken into.
CHASE
When’s the last time anyone got
broken into in this town?
STEVE
Maybe her mom called the cops on
her dad for hittin’ her or
something. How do you know?
Chase steps out of the bushes.
CHASE
Don’t be stupid, why else are those
cops here. Same ones as for
Chantal.
26.
Steve sizes Chase up.
STEVE
Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
TOM
Why were you going by her house
this morning?
CHASE
Because Jacquelyn and I hooked up
last night.
Steve looks relieved.
STEVE
So, you’re not interested in
Tawnee?
CHASE
C’mon Steve, I wouldn’t take your
girl. Chicks are chicks, but we’re
friends.
DOUG
If hot chicks keep getting killed,
there won’t be any for any of us.
TOM
Yeah Chase, leave some for us.
A chill falls over the group.
CHASE
I don’t wanna be a monk, but I’m
starting to get a complex.
DOUG
Maybe there’s some chick who’s
obsessed with you and will just
keep bumping off girls until you
date her.
CHASE
That’s just great, Doug, thanks.
STEVE
Well, don’t look at me, I have
standards.
TOM & DOUG
EEEEeeeeewwww, don’t even joke.
27.
They glance around at the mix of hot girls and plain ones
heading into the school.
TOM
Some of the plain ones would
probably be hot with a makeover.
CHASE
It takes more than make up to make
someone hot. We have to figure out
who’s doing this and stop them if
we’re gonna have any hot chicks
left in town.
Steve whips out his cell phone and taps a few buttons.
STEVE
You’ll all chip in for the
websurfing fees, right?
They all nod solemnly.
Steve continues to tap. He scans quickly.
INT. SCHOOL COMPUTER LAB – DAY
Tawnee, Gwen and Aja are standing behind a BESOTTED COMPUTER
GEEK sitting at a computer.
Besotted Computer Geek casually stretches up his hand in
front of, but not touching, Tawnee’s breast and grins
broadly.
GWEN
You seem to really enjoy
stretching, tell us what it says.
BESOTTED COMPUTER GEEK
Usually males who are socially
isolated.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – CONTINUOUS
Chase, Tom and Doug huddle around Steve.
STEVE
They are frequently bullied, but
believe that those in authority
refuse to help them or that the
authority hierarchy form part of
the bullying culture.
28.
EXT. GIRLS WASHROOM – CONTINUOUS
Sulky Sue reads from her blackberry to Plain Jane.
SULKY SUE
They believe there is a conspiracy
to prevent them from succeeding or
getting promoted.
INT. SCHOOL COMPUTER LAB – CONTINUOUS
Tawnee, Gwen and Aja exchange looks and then look down at the
Besotted Computer Geek.
BESOTTED COMPUTER GEEK
The decision is never a snap one,
it is always a long time in
planning, holding grudges,
gathering weapons. Unless the
pattern is broken, the only
decision is “today.”
GWEN
Um, correct me if I’m wrong, but
you know a lot about internet.
BESOTTED COMPUTER GEEK
Yes.
GWEN
So, we’re looking up serial killer
profiles, not going postal people.
Tawnee looks in disgust at Besotted Computer Geek, and does
up a couple of blouse buttons.
The three girls stalk out of the computer lab.
Besotted Computer Geek looks down, ashamed.
MEDIA COMPUTER GEEK bounces in.
MEDIA COMPUTER GEEK
Here, download the pictures and
we’ll photoshop boobs on Tawnee and
post them.
Besotted Computer Geek takes card out of the camera and puts
it in the computer.
29.
BESOTTED COMPUTER GEEK
Cool.
On screen is a picture of the Besotted Computer Geek
stretching up and from the angle, looking like he’s touching
Tawnee’s breast with Gwen and Aja flanking her.
BESOTTED COMPUTER GEEK
Let’s add boobs to them too.
MEDIA COMPUTER GEEK
That’s not remotely realistic.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – CONTINUOUS
Steve puts away the phone.
Tom, Doug and Chase nod sagely.
CHASE
So, who around here fits that
description?
TOM
I dunno, hey, we better get to
biology class.
They head into the school.
INT. BIOLOGY CLASS – CONTINUOUS
The biology lab is partly cluttered and part way tidy. A new
skeleton hangs in the corner.
Mr. Turner is erasing the reproductive cycle of blood flukes
on the board.
Plain Jane and Sulky Sue sit at the front of the class.
They look from Mr. Turner to each other. Plain Jane narrows
her eyes. Sulky Sue scowls and nods.
Chase and Tom enter the room.
Plain Jane turns in her seat and looks lustfully at Chase.
Chase looks at Mr. Turner, a flash of shock on his face, and
then he scowls. He looks at Tom and nudges him.
Tom looks at Plain Jane and LAUGHS. He nudges Chase and
points.
30.
Chase focuses on Plain Jane. He gives Tom an “I’m so sure”
look, and smacks Tom.
Plain Jane turns around, mortified, in her seat.
INT. PHYSICS CLASS – CONTINUOUS
Tawnee and Gwen watch Ms. Phett diagram a planetary gravity
well on the board.
Gwen passes Tawnee a note.
Tawnee opens it.
INSERT NOTE
There is a cartoon drawing of Mr. Turner with steam coming
out of his ears with the words “He must have been pissed to
be passed over, AGAIN.”
BACK TO SCENE
Tawnee nods and looks at Gwen.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – LATE AFTERNOON
Officers Todd and Sangha watch students leaving the school.
Many STUDENTS pause at the flagpole, where a growing mound of
memorial items rest at the base. Flowers, pom poms, stuffed
toys.
Some students add cards or notes.
STUDENTS SCREAM and back away from the memorial. OTHER
STUDENTS run over for a look.
Several students throw up or very nearly do.
Officers Todd and Sangha run to the memorial.
In the flowers, a fresh bunch of Dahlias is clutched in a
human hand – Jacquelyn’s hand and arm lay among the memorial
items.
OFFICER TODD
(into radio)
We’re going to need back up at the
high school. We’ve found another
body part.
31.
Chase, Tom, Steve and Doug stroll by, heading to Chase’s car.
Officer Todd steps forward.
OFFICER TODD
Chase Morton?
Chase stops.
CHASE
Yes?
Officer Todd motions to the car.
Chase looks ready to bolt, but Steve puts his hand on him.
OFFICER SANGHA
We just want to talk for a few
minutes.
Officer Sangha opens the backdoor.
CHASE
I have football practise.
Officer Todd gives him a hard look.
OFFICER TODD
We don’t need you for long. Officer
Sangha, secure this crime scene.
I’ll go chat with Mr. Morton.
Chase and Officer Todd head to the police car.
INT. POLICE CAR – CONTINUOUS
Officer Todd and Chase get into the car.
CHASE
This going to take long, I have
practise, remember? Homecoming game
this Friday.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – CONTINUOUS
Tom, Doug and Steve watch.
STEVE
He was the last to see both girls.
The three boys exchange wary looks.
32.
Mr. Turner strolls by them to the parking lot. His shabby
briefcase barely closed with all the papers crammed in it.
INT. POLICE CAR – CONTINUOUS
Officer Todd hands Chase crime scene photos of Chantal and
Jacquelyn.
Chase glaces at the first two and then puts them face down on
the seat.
OFFICER TODD
Don’t like pictures?
CHASE
What kind of person would I be if I
did?
OFFICER TODD
Probably under arrest.
CHASE
I knew those girls.
OFFICER TODD
I’d like to know how well you knew
them.
CHASE
Chantal was my girlfriend for the
last year. Jacquelyn, well, we all
knew each other since elementary
school.
OFFICER TODD
Did you have sex with Jacquelyn?
CHASE
What kind of question is that?
OFFICER TODD
A very pointed one, so I want you
to think about your answer very
carefully.
Chase looks anywhere but at Officer Todd.
OFFICER TODD
Chase, you’re the big guy on a very
small campus in a very small town,
and that makes you a very small
fish in the big world.
33.
CHASE
What’s that supposed to mean?
OFFICER TODD
It means you’re not in the NFL with
a battery of high priced lawyers to
cover your kinky ass. I expect to
have some lab results that will
give you a very different life path
than the one you are planning on.
CHASE
Aren’t you supposed to have my
parents here?
OFFICER TODD
You’re not charged, we’re just
talking.
CHASE
So, you won’t stop me from leaving?
Officer Todd gets out and opens the door.
OFFICER TODD
You are free to leave and become my
number one suspect at any time.
Chase looks at the murder photos – both with heavy make up –
Chantal with a bashed in head and Jacquelyn with her limbs
stacked neatly beside her.
Chase gets severely queasy.
Officer Todd looks almost sorry for him.
CHASE
I had sex with Jacquelyn that
night, it was early, right after
school, in her bedroom. I left by
4:30 pm.
OFFICER TODD
Just days after Chantal was killed?
CHASE
I’m sad about Chantal, that’s got
nothing to do with Jacquelyn.
Chase accidently touches the Jacquelyn photo. He looks down
at the photo, and then up at Officer Todd.
DISTRESSED STOMACH GURGLE
34.
Chase flings himself out of the police car, falls to his
hands and knees and power pukes.
Officer Todd calmly gathers up the photos, no distress at all
at seeing them, and puts them in the files. She glances at
Chase, grossed out.
OFFICER TODD
We’re finished here. For now.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – PLAYING FIELD – TUESDAY NIGHT
Chase sits on the bench in a dirty football uniform as the
LAST PLAYERS are heading the showers.
Aja spies Chase and runs to greet him.
CHASE
Aren’t you worried to be seen with
me?
AJA
No, why?
CHASE
I don’t seem to be much of a good
luck charm for girls, lately.
Aja touches Chase’s arm.
AJA
Chase, I know you’d never hurt me,
or anyone. At least, off the
football field.
Chase looks vulnerable and scared.
Aja softens and runs her hand through his hair.
He melts a bit against her touch.
AJA
You know, you don’t have to go
through this alone.
CHASE
I really appreciate that, Aja, but
I can’t risk putting you in danger.
I’m getting a bit of a complex as
it is. The guys think it’s a crazy
jealous girl.
35.
Aja looks around the empty field.
AJA
There’s no one here to see
anything.
Aja steps forward and kisses Chase.
He pulls away from her.
CHASE
I have to go find the guys.
AJA
Did you know no girls came to
audition for cheerleading? Not that
there’d be time to get them up to
speed for the game Friday.
CHASE
I don’t know that that’s surprising
right now.
AJA
The homecoming committee hasn’t
been able to replace Jacquelyn,
either.
Aja moves close to Chase then moves coyly away again.
AJA
I was thinking of joining it and
was sorta hoping you and some of
the football guys would too, it’s
for you guys in a way, you should
have some say in it.
CHASE
We’ve got too much with the game to
think about decorations. There must
be some guys in drama club who’d be
great on the committee.
Chase looks around.
Aja is disappointed.
CHASE
Look, Aja, I really-
AJA
I heard that the police talked to
you.
36.
CHASE
They showed me crime photos.
Aja gets a clue.
AJA
Bad?
Chase just nods.
Aja gets a chill.
CHASE
You should probably get home, I
don’t think it’s safe….
Aja gets coy again.
AJA
Maybe I could wait and you could
take me home?
CHASE
Sure, I guess I shouldn’t send you
home alone. I just have to shower
first.
Chase heads in side.
Aja watches his butt as he walks away.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – WEDNESDAY MORNING
Boys and dowdy girls approach the school from buses or parent
cars – no students are driving themselves anymore or walking
to school.
Chantal and Jacquelyn’s yearbook photos hang from the
flagpole, which is surrounded by more memorial items and
flowers.
There’s a big sign on the front doors: ALL STUDENTS Report to
the Gym.
Chase, Tom, Steve and Doug meet near the double memorial by
the flagpole.
Tawnee, Gwen and Aja, barely recognizable, join them.
They all hesitate to stand to near the pole, there is still
some remains of police tape.
37.
TAWNEE
How did the killer get Jacquelyn’s
arm in there without anyone seeing?
CHASE
Middle of the night, it’s not like
this area’s closed off.
Everyone looks at Chase like he’s thought that out a little
too well.
CHASE
Oh, c’mon all ready. Would I tell
you how I did it if I was the
killer?
STEVE
You’re not the killer, it’s just
creepy.
CHASE
Change the subject.
Chase looks at the girls. Steve, Tom and Doug look at the
girls.
Tawnee, Gwen and Aja squirm a bit, feeling exposed and plain.
CHASE
Wow, starting to understand false
advertising laws.
TAWNEE
Like you’d advertise being a
quarterback if football players
were being targetted.
GWEN
Yeah, Homecoming’s gonna be great
in my brother’s hand me downs.
AJA
My mom’s threatening to not let me
even go. Like there’s even a reason
to go if I can’t be pretty in my
Homecoming dress.
Tom nudges Aja.
TOM
Of course there’s still a reason. I
don’t care what you wear.
38.
STEVE
As long as it’s easy to remove, hey
Tom.
AJA
As if.
Chase, Steve and Doug all stare at Tom.
Tom looks anywhere but his friends.
Plain Jane walks by and smiles at Chase.
Chase notices that she looks prettier than some of the girls
around the courtyard. His eyes narrow and then he shakes his
head.
Plain Jane meets up with Sulky Sue near the doors.
PLAIN JANE
Did you see the cheerleaders? Woof.
Sulky Sue LAUGHS.
PLAIN JANE
I never imagined getting to feel
prettier than a cheerleader! I
didn;t even do anything different
or special this morning.
Plain Jane grabs Sulky Sue in a hug.
DOWDY PRETTY GIRL
Lesbos! Lesbians in the courtyard!
Lesbo alert!
Plain Jane and Sulky Sue let go like boiling oil was poured
on them.
All the boys strain to see and when they do, they are
disappointed.
PLAIN JANE
Why does nothing that feels good
ever get to last?
SULKY SUE
Even fleeting moments of joy are
more than most people experience.
PLAIN JANE
Don’t get started on Africa again.
39.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL GYM – MORNING
A subdued student body – boys far outnumber the girls – and
teaching staff assembles.
On stage, Principal Tyler, Ms. Phett, Mr Turner and SIX
TEACHERS stand awkwardly.
Tawnee, Aja and Gwen sit in front of Chase, Tom, Doug and
Steve.
Plain Jane and Sulky Sue sit a few bleacher seats up.
Principal Tyler looks out at the high number of empty chairs.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Thank you to all those still
attending school.
Officers Todd and Sangha enter.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
I want to assure each of you that
the school will do everything to
ensure your safety. We will be
starting mandatory self defence
classes for all female students.
GIRLS CHEER, BOYS MIXED REACTION
Principal Tyler raises his hands.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Budget permitting, the classes may
be open to male students once all
the girls have gone through the
course. The reality is that boys
have not been targets of this sick
individual.
Officer Todd, are you here?
OFFICER TODD
Yes, Principal Tyler.
He waves her up. Officer Todd gets up on the stage.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Officer Todd will answer what
questions she can about the ongoing
investigation, please, keep your
inquiries tasteful and on point.
40.
Principal Tyler yeilds the floor mic to Officer Todd.
OFFICER TODD
Since this in an on-going
investigation, there is not a lot I
can tell you.
BOOING
Officer Sangha stands next to
Officer Todd.
Officer Todd raises her hands, the students quiet down.
OFFICER TODD
I will say that both murders
were…different from each other,
but there was one similarity which
makes us think that they are
connected. Before rumours and
speculation occur, each girl’s face
was done in a rather garish make up
style that was not consistent with
their normal appearance.
DOWDY REDHEAD GIRL
Do you have any leads?
OFFICER TODD
We are following up on several
tips.
TOMBOY BLONDE
How can we protect ourselves?
OFFICER TODD
First, don’t go out at night.
GROANS, PROTESTS
OFFICER TODD
If you do go out, stay in a group
and within town limits.
TAWNEE
But Jacquelyn was taken from her
yard. I was on the phone with her,
just before.
GASPS.
Tawnee turns and looks hard at Chase.
41.
Everyone stares at Chase.
Officer Todd follows Tawnee’s head snap, smiles grimly.
CHASE
What? I was at home, ask my Mom.
GWEN
And you the last one with Chantal.
CHASE
She left, everyone up there saw her
leave alone.
TAWNEE
And what were you doing at lover’s
lane by yourself?
MEAN LAUGHTER
Chase looks shocked and hurt. He
stands.
CHASE
I lost my girlfriend, I’m a victim,
you golddigging whore.
Chase storms out.
Doug and Tom get up and follow Chase.
Steve hesitates, looks sadly at Tawnee, then turns and
follows Chase
Officer Sangha slips out after Chase.
OFFICER TODD
What’s your name, young lady?
TAWNEE
Tawnee Michals
OFFICER TODD
And you haven’t come forward?
TAWNEE
I figured you would have her cell
phone records and if you wanted to
talk to me, you would have done it
already. Like the tv cops.
Officer Todd steps away from the mic and rubs her temples.
42.
OFFICER TODD
(sotto voce)
TV generation.
She moves back to the mic.
OFFICER TODD
If anyone had any contact with
either victim in the last 24 hours
before they were killed, or if you
have any information that can help
at all, please come forward after
assembly to me or Officer Sangha –
or call the police station tip
line. The best way you can help
yourself and your classmates is to
come forward and share any
information you have so we can stop
this killer before they strike
again.
Principle Tyler moves to the mic. Officer Todd steps back.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Miss Michals, please come up here.
One last thing, we were considering cancelling the Homecoming
dance.
PROTEST HOWLS
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Please, calm down – we are not
cancelling, please. We have hired a
security firm to patrol the grounds
and parking lot – any students may
request escourt from the school to
their cars at the dance, now,
please, go to class.
Principal Tyler dry swallows a handful of tablets.
Officer Todd gives him a sympathetic look. Principal Tyler
smiles weakly.
TAWNEE
You wanted to talk to me?
OFFICER TODD
Yes, tell me about your cell phone
call.
43.
TAWNEE
Jacquelyn phoned me to brag that
she’d had sex with Chase.
OFFICER TODD
To make you jealous?
TAWNEE
I’m dating Steve. So, no, just to
brag.
OFFICER TODD
And she told you what?
TAWNEE
That Chase had come back for
seconds. And then she hung up on
me.
OFFICER TODD
Who else have you told?
TAWNEE
No one.
OFFICER TODD
Did you call the tip line?
TAWNEE
No.
OFFICER TODD
Someone did.
Officer Todd scans the students leaving the gym.
TAWNEE
Hey, can I get into witness
protection after Homecoming?
Officer Todd looks at her incredulous.
INT. GIRL’S BATHROOM/CHANGEROOM – DAY
Tawnee, Gwen and Aja primp in front of the mirrors in the
change room area.
TAWNEE
Ooo, make up feels so good.
GWEN
At least we can look good in class.
44.
AJA
So, what’s the plan for tonight?
In the bathroom area, Plain Jane and Sulky Sue listen in.
TAWNEE
We follow Mr. Turner, see who he
targets next, duh.
GWEN
There’s not more?
TAWNEE
We could dress up as guys.
AJA
Maybe we could go pretty and see if
he tries to grab one of us. We’d
have him for sure then.
GWEN
I don’t want to be the bait.
They look at each other.
TAWNEE
Fine, I’ll be the bait. The things
I do.
In the bathroom area, Plain Jane and Sulky Sue sneak out.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF BATHROOM -CONTINUOUS
PLAIN JANE
So, we follow them?
SULKY SUE
We could dress up as guys.
Plain Jane laughs.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL PLAYING FIELD – AFTERNOON
Chase, Steve, Tom and Doug throw footballs in pairs, away
from the rest of the practising football team.
Chase misses an easy catch.
STEVE
Chase, dude.
Chase picks up the ball.
45.
CHASE
Fucking Tawnee. What’s so great
about cheerleaders anyway?
The three guys stare at him.
TOM
They’re hot.
CHASE
I want more than hot, I want a girl
I can talk to. Who won’t play mind
games.
STEVE
All hot chicks play mind games.
CHASE
Maybe I’m done with hot chicks
then.
STEVE
How hard did I hit you with the
football?
CHASE
Not that hard. Anyway, Turner. I
say we follow him tonight.
DOUG
We’re not going to dress up like
girls are we?
CHASE
Did you get hit with a ball when no one was looking?
EXT. TOWN STREET – MR TURNER’S HOUSE – NIGHT
A neat and tidy near suburban street – with clean houses with
neatly mowed lawns, maintained flower beds and a few farm or
Christmas themed lawn ornaments.
Mr. Turner’s house is mildly weatherbeaten and has a gravel
front lawn dotted with weeds. There is a cross shaped grave
marker near the front corner which reads “The last dog to
poop on my yard.”
Mr. Turner gets out of his beat up older model 2 door car.
He moves to the passenger side and opens the door.
46.
Trash drifts onto the curb from the overflowing back seat
(food wrappers, books with torn off covers, jackets).
He pulls his cramed shut breifcase from the passenger seat
and a bag from a fast food joint.
Looking up and down the street and seeing no one, Turner
kicks the trash under his car and SLAMS the door shut.
He clicks the key fob to set the car alarm. BEEP-BEEP.
He stomps into the house.
From the neighbour’s bushes, Tawnee, Aja and Gwen appear.
Tawnee waves Aja and Gwen to go around the sides of the
house.
Aja takes the farther side and slinks around the house. Gwen
heads down the closer side.
Across the street, Plain Jane and Sulky Sue watch from a tree
branch.
PLAIN JANE
I want to take a closer look.
SULKY SUE
I’ll stay here.
Plain Jane shimmies down the tree.
At the end of the block, Chase, Steve, Doug and Tom eat take
out food in Chase’s car.
INT. CHASE’S CAR – NIGHT
CHASE
I don’t think this is a good idea.
STEVE
Why not?
CHASE
Because I don’t think I should be
slinking around town when the
police are handling this. They’ve
already questioned me.
DOUG
So you want to sit at home to have
your Mom as an alibi?
47.
TOM
Yeah, we’re with you.
CHASE
Do they let accomplises share jail
cells?
STEVE
What?
CHASE
If the cops decide I’m the one,
don’t you think they’d just frame
you guys too?
TOM
Maybe they’d think we lied to
protect you.
STEVE
Chase, you didn’t kill Chantal or
Jacquelyn.
CHASE
Do you think that matters? The
police have to get someone and
soon, the town’s freaking out and
they don’t care who pays as long as
someone does.
STEVE
Calm down, you’re freaking me out.
CHASE
You don’t think Rampaging Teenage
Boys kill Two girls is a likley
headline?
TOM
You thought this was a good idea
earlier.
CHASE
Changed my mind, I want to stay far
away from anything that’s outside
of my normal routine. Anything I
can’t explain to the police
reasonably….
STEVE
Chantal and Jaquelyn are dead,
doesn’t that mean anything to you?
48.
CHASE
Of course it does, but me going to
jail isn’t going to bring them
back. Me being the focus of the
police means they are not looking
for the real killer. Get out of my
car, I’m going home.
Doug and Tom slip out.
Steve looks shocked at Chase.
CHASE
You go play cowboy cop.
STEVE
I woulda thought you’da cared more.
Chase fights tears.
Steve gets out of the car.
Chase REVS the engine and drives away.
Steve, Tom and Doug watch his tailights disappear.
A figure darts to Turner’s yard as Chase drives by.
TOM
Did you see that?
DOUG
Let’s go. To bad Chase is missing
out.
Tom, Doug and Steve sprint to Turner’s house.
EXT. TURNER’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Tom heads down the same side as Aja did.
Doug down the far side after Gwen.
Steve lingers in the front yard, looking to see if any
neighbours are watching.
EXT. TREE ACROSS THE STREET FROM TURNER – CONTINUOUS
Sulky Sue shifts to type in her blackberry.
SULKY SUE
A million hits, cool. Hey,
comments….
49.
Sulky Sue is engrossed in her blackberry.
EXT. SIDE OF TURNER’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Trees overhang from the neighbour’s yard. The fence is in
poor condition.
The gravel continues, but there is a concrete walkway that
allows Aja to silently creep to the window.
Aja peers into the window.
INT. TURNER’S LIVINGROOM – CONTINOUS
The house is squalid – stacks of newspaper, laundry, piles
and piles of books, dirty dishes. There is so much stuff that
Turner has trails leading from room to room.
Turner is throwing darts at a dartboard that Ms. Phett’s
yearbook photo has been stuck to.
THWACK – dart to the left eye.
Turner alternates between biting his hamburger, throwing
darts and muttering.
EXT. SIDE OF TURNER’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Aja takes off her sweater and folds it on the ground so she
can kneel at the window.
Tom sneaks up behind her.
TOM
(stage whisper)
It’s Tom, don’t scream.
Aja startles, but doesn’t make a sound. She turns and grins
at him.
AJA
(stage whisper)
What are you doing here?
TOM
(stage whisper)
I could ask you the same.
AJA
(stage whisper)
You think it’s Turner too?
50.
TOM
(stage whisper)
He fits.
Aja points inside.
TOM
(stage whisper)
Is that Ms. Phett’s picture?
Aja grabs Tom’s arm, her mouth opening and closing.
TOM
What?
THWACK – a 2 by 4 smacks Tom in the head. He drops like a
rock.
The Hoodie wearing Killer holding the bloodied 2 by 4 and
moves to Aja.
AJA SCREAMS.
Aja tries to scramble backwards.
THWACK the 2 by 4 comes down on her head. She collapses.
INT. TURNER LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Turner swallows his burger bite.
TURNER
Damn kids.
He pushes his way through debris and turns on his radio.
Classical music muffles any more sounds..
EXT. OTHER SIDE OF TURNER HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Gwen and Doug are facing off.
GWEN
Did you hear a scream?
DOUG
A TV?
GWEN
Aja’s on the other side.
Gwen and Doug run to the front of the house.
51.
EXT. TOWN STREET @ TURNER HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Sulky Sue has shimmied down from the tree.
SULKY SUE
Jane?
GWEN
Have you seen Aja or Tawnee?
SULKY SUE
Have you seen Jane?
DOUG
We better check the side.
They head to the side of Turner’s house.
Front DOOR SLAMS OPEN.
Turner fills the doorway.
MR. TURNER
What are you doing at my house?
DOUG
We don’t have time to explain, the
girls are in trouble.
MR. TURNER
What girls?
GWEN
Tawnee and Aja
SULKY SUE
And Jane.
MR. TURNER
Why are these girls in trouble at
my house exactly?
SULKY SUE
We’re playing a game someone just
scream from down there.
Mr. Turner looks hard at them and then heads to the side of
the house where Aja and Tom had gone.
Mr. Turner sees Tom lying crumpled.
MR. TURNER
Oh dear lord, call an ambulance!
52.
Doug and Gwen run forward.
DOUG
Tom!
Doug and Gwen run to Tom.
GWEN
Where’s Aja?
DOUG
Don’t move him, head injury!
Sulky Sue runs into Mr. Turner’s house.
Mr. Turner runs into his house.
INT. TURNER LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Sulky Sue takes in the squalor.
MR. TURNER
Phone’s over here.
Mr. Turner weaves through the piles of stuff and grabs the
phone.
EXT. SIDE OF TURNER’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Doug holds Tom’s arm.
DOUG
I don’t think he’s breathing.
Gwen touches Tom’s hand.
GWEN
I’ve never seen anyone….
Crying, Doug looks up at her.
GWEN
There must be something we can do…
Mr. Turner returns.
MR. TURNER
Police and ambulance are on the
way. Grab that sweater and slip it
under his head.
53.
DOUG
I don’t think he’s breathing, do
you know CPR?
MR. TURNER
No, I’m sorry, Doug, I don’t.
GWEN
That’s Aja’s sweater.
MR. TURNER
Aja? What’s going on here?
GWEN
Where’s Aja is a more important
question.
SULKY SUE
And Tawnee and Jane.
MR. TURNER
Three girls missing? At my house.
Perfect, just friggin perfect.
DOUG
No disrespect, Mr. Turner, but
aren’t the girls in a whole lot
worse trouble than you?
Mr. Turner catches himself.
MR. TURNER
Certainly, Douglas, I just hope
they’re okay, perhaps they’re
playing a trick on you and they’ve
already gone home?
GWEN
They killed Tom and went home? Are
you serious?
MR. TURNER
Oh, right, the boy. No, then, I
don’t suppose it is a trick.
SIRENS. The ambulance and police car pull up.
Porch lights up and down the street come on. NEIGHBOURS come
out on their porches to look.
54.
EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS – NIGHT
The killer’s beat up car is parked on the overpass. A rope
end is trapped in the closed passenger side door. The rope
travels from the car to Aja, laying bound against the
overpass railing.
Aja’s bare feet are duct taped together and her hands are
duct taped behind her back. Several layers of duct tape cover
her mouth.
Her face is already made up in lurid clashing make up
colours.
The baggily dressed killer puts a noose around Aja’s throat,
running the rope down and around her wrists as well.
Aja struggles, her SCREAMS MUFFLED by the tape.
The killer gets a machete from the trunk.
Aja tries to wriggle, but doesn’t manage to crawl very far.
Grasping a lot of Aja’s hair, the killer uses the machete to
cut a 50 cent piece sized scalp.
Bloods seeps everywhere.
Aja CRIES.
The killer puts the scalp in a grocery plastic bag.
Positioning themselves at Aja’s feet, the killer brings the
machete down again, severing her big toe.
Aja SCREAMS.
Picking up the toe and draining it slightly, the killer then
puts the toe in the bag.
The baggie and machete go into the trunk. TRUNK SLAMS SHUT.
The killer looks over the railing.
Semi-Trucks approach the overpass on the freeway below.
The killer bodily hoists Aja up, forcing Aja to see the
approaching trucks.
Aja struggles, but cannot break free.
The killer strikes her in the throat.
55.
Aja chokes a little.
With a mighty heave, the killer pushes Aja against the waist
high railing.
Aja, unable to stop herself, topples over the railing head
first.
Her body is jerked to a stop by the noose, her arms ripped
backwards out of their sockets.
Her body dangles only for a moment before the semi-truck,
unable to stop, smacks into her.
The truck SQUEALS to a stop, nearly going off the road.
The killer rushes to the car on the overpass and drives away.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – THURSDAY MORNING
Principle Tyler and Ms. Phett watch as very few students get
off the bus and shuffle pass the flag pole and it’s sad
memorial.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
If any more parent decide to home
study, we’re going to have to turn
this place into a senior’s centre.
The police car pulls up. Officers Todd and Sangha get out.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Just once I’d like to see a police
officer besides Sara Todd.
Ms. Phett looks Officer Todd over. She likes what she sees.
MS. PHETT
Oh, I don’t know….
PRINCIPAL TYLER
I miss the days when you could go a
whole school year and never see a
police officer.
Plain Jane walks alone behind Officer Todd and Sangha.
Officer Todd gives a curt smile to Mz. Phett.
56.
OFFICER TODD
Principal Tyler, I’m sorry to have
to see you again. There’s three
girls reported missing last night.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Three?
OFFICER TODD
Aja Freisen, Tawnee Brown and Jane
McCormick.
Plain Jane stops cold.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Officer Todd, there’s been some
mistake, Miss McCormick is right
behind you.
Officer Todd turns around quickly.
OFFICER TODD
Miss McCormick?
PLAIN JANE
Yes, Ma’am. I’m Jane McCormick.
OFFICER TODD
Your friend, Sue Gravely reported
you missing near Mr. Turner’s
house.
MS. PHETT
Mr. Turner’s? What were you doing
there?
OFFICER TODD
Perhaps we better go to the admin
office?
INT. PRINCIPAL TYLER’S OFFICE- CONTINUOUS
Plain Jane sits in a guest chair.
Principal Tyler and Ms. Phett are behind the desk.
Officers Todd and Sangha stand near Plain Jane.
57.
OFFICER TODD
Your friend Sue told us that you
and she were out and you vanished
on her near Mr. Turner’s house.
PLAIN JANE
I didn’t vanish, I went home.
OFFICER TODD
Without telling her?
PLAIN JANE
I got scared, I heard people coming
and I ran, I didn’t have time to
check in with Sulky Sue. I went by
her house this morning, she’d
already left.
OFFICER TODD
We’ll come back to that, why were
you at Mr. Turner’s house?
Ms. Phett’s ears perk up.
MS. PHETT
He hadn’t invited you, had he?
PLAIN JANE
No, we were, we were following the
cheerleaders.
OFFICER TODD
Why?
PLAIN JANE
They’re who the killer wants, we
thought we could catch the killer.
OFFICER SANGHA
But why Mr. Turner? You think he’s
the killer.
PLAIN JANE
I guess the cheerleaders do.
MS. PHETT
He fits your creepy ineffectual
male profile.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Ms. Phett!
58.
MS. PHETT
Can you honestly say he doesn’t?
Lives in his mother’s house, never
married, pass over for promotion,
he has a hard time with women in
authority roles. It’s rubber stamp
classic.
OFFICER TODD
Perhaps we could keep the focus on
the young lady.
OFFICER SANGHA
Jane, why would you try to catch
the killer? Why not just bring any
information you have to the police?
PLAIN JANE
I thought, I thought if I could
catch the killer, I’d be popular.
Officer Todd rolls her eyes.
OFFICER TODD
So, you don’t know why the
cheerleaders were at Mr. Turner’s
house.
PLAIN JANE
The creepy ineffectual male thing.
He seemed the obvious suspect.
OFFICER TODD
So, what happened that scared you?
PLAIN JANE
We saw Tawnee, Gwen and Aja go
around the house and I climbed down
from the tree and followed them. I
hear someone following me, so I
ran.
OFFICER TODD
Well, it might have saved your
life.
PLAIN JANE
Why? What happened?
OFFICER SANGHA
A young man, Tom Duncan was killed
at the scene. Tawnee is missing.
59.
(MORE)
Aja was found by a trucker on the
freeway.
PLAIN JANE
She’s okay then?
OFFICER TODD
No, she was thrown from the
overpass onto the freeway in front
of the trucker.
Principal Tyler gets into his drawer for the antacids.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Oh my.
SEVERAL SCREAMS FROM DOWN THE HALL.
Everyone runs out of the office to the foyer.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL FOYER – CONTINUOUS
STUDENTS gather around the trophy case.
Hanging from the big trophy is Aja’s scalp.
OFFICER TODD
Everyone get back – don’t touch
anything.
The students take a collective step back, leaving Chase
standing closest.
Chase stares that the hair. He starts to cry.
Steve and Doug grab Chase and drag him away before too many
people see.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Perhaps we should cancel the dance,
no one’s going to let their
children out anymore.
VARIOUS STUDENTS
No, please don’t.
I’m not coming, who cares?
Dance’s aren’t worth dying for.
But it’s Homecoming….
What about the football game?
You can’t cancel football!
But cancelling the dance is okay?
60.
OFFICER SANGHA (cont’d)
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Silence! Everyone to the gym.
Please, go now. Ms. Phett, please
go announce everyone to the gym.
Ms. Phett heads back down the hall.
Mr. Turner slinks in. He flinches when he sees the police,
and tries to back away.
PRINCIPAL TYLER (cont’d)
Mr. Turner, you’re late.
Officers Todd and Sangha turn to look at him.
Officer Todd’s eyes narrow as she scopes out the nervous Mr.
Turner.
Mr. Turner breaks out in a flop sweat.
MR. TURNER
Car troubles.
Mr. Turner backs away, clutching his briefcase close to his
chest.
MR. TURNER
Got to get to class, papers to
grade. Tests to give.
Mr. Turner all but turns and runs down the hall.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
I’ll call an assembly of what’s
left of the students, can’t see the
point of classes today.
OFFICER SANGHA
I’ll call for a technician.
Officer Todd nods grimly while looking into the trophy case.
Plain Jane is reflected in the glass.
Sulky Sue enters.
SULKY SUE
Jane!
Sulky Sue grabs Jane in a hug, then just as suddenly,
releases her and tries to put her detached Goth persona back
on.
61.
Plain Jane nods to move down the hall.
Plain Jane and Sulky Sue start to leave.
OFFICER TODD
Miss McCormick, we’re done for now,
but we’ll want to talk to you
again.
PLAIN JANE
It’s not like I’m leaving town,
officer.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Sulky Sue and Plain Jane get to their lockers.
SULKY SUE
Where did you get to?
PLAIN JANE
I went down the side of the house,
I wanted a closer look and I got
spooked.
SULKY SUE
By what?
PLAIN JANE
There was someone else there.
Footsteps.
SULKY SUE
It was probably Tom. Hey, you don’t
know.
PLAIN JANE
I know Aja and Tawnee are…
SULKY SUE
Tom’s dead, he got whacked on the
head. We thought the killer had
whacked him and took the three of
you.
PLAIN JANE
Poor Tom.
SULKY SUE
I shoulda known you were okay, I
mean, this whacko’s after
cheerleaders.
62.
Plain Jane stiffens with anger.
PLAIN JANE
Thanks Sue, great, now I’m too ugly
to get killed.
SULKY SUE
Jane, I didn’t mean it that way.
Plain Jane walks away.
PLAIN JANE
How exactly am I supposed to take
it.
SULKY SUE
Hey, you want to get killed, then
fine, it’s your choice.
MS. PHETT
(over PA system)
All students report to the
gymnasium. Classes are cancelled,
all students are to report to the
gym.
A few classroom doors open and a SMALL NUMBER OF STUDENTS
file out.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – GYM – CONTINUOUS
Fewer than THIRTY STUDENTS, mostly boys, are seated in the
gym.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Because of the number of students
being withdrawn from classes, and
the danger our community’s youth is
facing, the town council is looking
at several options.
BAD BOY STUDENT
Close the school!
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Yes, well, that is an option being
considered.
Stunned silence.
63.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Not my preferred choice. We are
going to continue with classes. We
are asking parents to escort their
teens to and from school or that
all students will be using the
dedicated school buses.
All after school clubs are
cancelled.
CHASE
What about the game tomorrow?
PRINCIPAL TYLER
The game will go on as planned,
it’s too late to cancel.
CHEERING
Gwen stand and raises her hands for silence.
GWEN
And the dance?
Principal Tyler squirms.
GWEN (cont’d)
Jacquelyn worked so hard for that
dance. We can’t let this maniac
make us be afraid to live our
lives.
Gwen looks at the students.
GWEN (cont’d)
Dance!
(clap)
Dance!
(clap)
Dance!
(clap)
STUDENT BODY
Dance!
(clap)
Dance!
(clap)
Dance!
(clap)
Principal Tyler raises his hands for silence.
The Chanting peters out.
64.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
Since you all seem to agree and
feel so strongly, we will not
cancel the dance.
CHEERING
PRINCIPAL TYLER (cont’d)
There will be extra security and
there will be no after parties,
everyone is to return home, their
own homes, after the dance,
escorted by parents or, we will
make transport arrangement by
school buses.
CHEERING
PRINCIPAL TYLER (cont’d)
There is one more announcement
before you cheer when I send you
home. Officer Todd will be in the
school giving self defence classes
to any female student who remains.
Everyone, the buses are waiting
outside, or you may use your own or
the office phone to call your
parents.
Students start to drift out.
STEVE
Self defence for girls. What about
Tom?
DOUG
Self defence wouldn’t have helped
him, he was hit from behind.
CHASE
Let’s go check the biology lab, and
Turner’s car.
STEVE
When did you get back in the game,
Mr. Chantal’s not worth going to
jail for.
CHASE
This guy is killing people all
around me, I’m not waiting for him
to whittle down my friends to get
to me.
65.
Steve and Doug clap Chase on the back.
STEVE
Good to have you back.
Chase, Steve and Doug exit the gym.
Plain Jane stays in the bleachers.
Sulky Sue watches her.
Plain Jane glances over her shoulder to see if Sulky Sue is
looking.
She is.
Plain Jane shifts over, to make room beside her on the
bleacher.
Sulky Sue comes over and sits.
PLAIN JANE
Sorry I freaked out.
SULKY SUE
Jane, I think you’re better than a
cheerleader; you won’t be confused
when high school is over.
Plain Jane laughs.
PLAIN JANE
So, self defence?
SULKY SUE
A good offense is the best defence.
Officer Todd waves for the TEN GIRLS, including Plain Jane,
Sulky Sue and Gwen to come closer.
No one stands near Gwen.
GWEN
Beauty isn’t contagious.
The girls shift further away.
SULKY SUE
Doesn’t hurt to not put yourself at
risk.
66.
GWEN
Thanks very much, only Goth girl in
town.
SULKY SUE
Well, now you’re the only
cheerleader in town. So, rubber,
glue.
OFFICER TODD
Don’t be stupid girls, you’re gonna
be working in partners, so huddle
up.
OFFICER TODD (cont’d)
Girls, the conventional wisdom of
don’t fight back is not going to
work at all in this case and in my
opinion, in any situation.
Most attackers are not expecting
you to fight back, they are
counting on you being afraid, being
nice little girls and of not
knowing how to defend yourself.
That ends today.
GIRLS CHEER
OFFICER TODD (cont’d)
The few attackers who are prepared
for you to fight back are planning
to kill you. So why make it easy
and nice for them? You may escape
with your life at best and at
worse, do enough damage for police
to identify who killed you.
Girls are shocked into silence.
OFFICER TODD (cont’d)
So far, four of your schoolmates
have been killed – Chantal,
Jacquelyn, Aja and Tom. Tawnee is
missing. This isn’t a video game
where you have another life or
restart or a TV show where you come
back on another program. You get
one trip through this life, and I’m
here to make sure that it’s as long
and safe for you as possible.
Officer Todd looks hard at each girl.
67.
OFFICER TODD (cont’d)
What I tell you today, I want you
to tell your friends. Share this
information, it can save your life.
Now, I want everyone to empty their
purses or backpacks, and I’m going
to show you how many weapons you
have that you don’t know you do.
INT. BIOLOGY CLASS – CONTINUOUS
The biology class is perfectly organized, everything is
labelled.
Chase, Steve and Doug poke around.
Chase discovers the cabinet with the chemicals is unlocked.
He opens the cabinet, there are bottles of chemical, all
neatly labelled with a corresponding label on the shelf. Each
shelf is sorted by chemical type.
The Acids shelf is missing the hydrochloric acid.
CHASE
The hydrochloric acid’s gone.
STEVE
Is there any formaldehyde?
CHASE
Why do you want that?
STEVE
The cops said that body parts are
taken, the killer’s taking
trophies. Don’t you want cop tv
shows?
DOUG
Don’t you? The acid is missing.
STEVE
So?
DOUG
You can dissolve bodies with that
acid.
CHASE
Is it enough to go to the police?
Maybe the bio class used it all?
68.
STEVE
That cop said to come to her with
anything.
CHASE
I want to go with more, let’s go to
Turner’s house.
EXT. TOWN STREET @ TURNER’S HOUSE – EVENING
Chase, Steve and Doug stroll down the street.
Every porch light is on and most houses have block parent
signs in the window.
There are FOUR ADULT MALE SAFETY VEST WEARING VOLUNTEERS
walking around on patrol.
SENIOR ADULT PATROLER
Hey boys, Chase, isn’t it?
CHASE
Yes, sir.
SENIOR ADULT PATROLER
Shouldn’t you be resting for
tomorrow’s game?
CHASE
I will be sir, right after we talk
to Mr. Turner, have to clear up
some homework questions.
SENIOR ADULT PATROLER
Not home, car’s been gone all day.
CHASE
Oh, well, thank you sir, we’ll be
on our way then.
SENIOR ADULT PATROLER
See to it, we can’t afford to be
down a quarterback day before the
big game.
The Patrollers stroll off.
The three head back down the way they came.
STEVE
Now what? We’ll never get close to
his house.
69.
CHASE
Back yards from the next street
over.
EXT. TURNER’S BACK YARD – CONTINUOUS
Chase, Steve and Doug climb over Turner’s back yard fence.
They sneak down the side of the house that Tawnee went down.
The basement window is boarded up.
They look around fro a tool.
Doug pulls a multi-tool from his jacket pocket.
DOUG
What? I used to be a boy scout.
CHASE
Whatever, pry that end off.
Doug uses the screwdriver bit to pry the board off enough for
the three to get a good grip.
They pry the board off the broken basement window. It’s dark.
Chase lowers himself into the window.
CHASE (cont’d)
It’s gross in here, stacks of crap
everywhere.
Steve hands him down a flashlight.
Steve and Doug keep their eyes peeled.
Chase’s hand passes the flashlight back up.
CHASE (cont’d)
Pull me out.
Doug and Steve pull Chase out of the basement.
DOUG
Did you find anything?
Chase holds out Tawnee’s earring.
STEVE
I bought her those.
Steve takes the earring. He starts to tear up.
70.
CHASE
No time, we’ve got to call the
police.
Chase runs to the front yard.
The volunteer patrols come over.
SENIOR ADULT PATROLER
I thought I sent you boys home.
CHASE
Sir, Mr. Turner’s the killer, we
found this.
Chase grabs Steve’s hand and makes him open it to show the
earring.
The Senior Adult Patroler takes the earring.
SENIOR ADULT PATROLER
Well, I doubt it’s Turners. Where
exactly did you find it?
Chase swallows and looks at the other two. They both grimly
nod.
CHASE
The girls were spying on him, the
night Tom was killed on the side of
his house, and Aja taken. We went
to the other side and found a
window boarded up, I went in and
found that. Tawnee always wore it.
She may still be alive.
The Senior Adult Patroler looks amazed at Chase.
SENIOR ADULT PATROLER
Good work boys. Let’s call the
cops.
EXT. TOWN STREET @ TURNER’S HOUSE – NIGHT – LATER
Mr. Turner pulls onto his street and parks in front of his
house.
He gets out of the car and reaches in for his briefcase.
He walks up to his house.
Officer Todd and Sangha step out of the dark.
71.
OFFICER TODD
Mr. Turner, we have a warrant to
search your house, including any
computer hard drives inside, car
and your briefcase.
Mr. Turner clutches the briefcase close to his chest. Then
crumbles in defeat.
MR. TURNER
It wasn’t my fault, I can explain,
I was afraid.
OFFICER SANGHA
Are you waiving your right to
remain silent?
MR. TURNER
It’s about the girl, Tawnee, isn’t
it.
OFFICER TODD
Yes.
MR. TURNER
Yes. I am then. I was afraid you’d
blame me, I didn’t know she was
there, I found her too late.
OFFICER SANGHA
Found her?
MR. TURNER
I’ll show you.
INT. TURNER’S LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
The house is still cluttered with papers, stuff, clothes and
trash.
Mr. Turner leads them along a trail in the room to the
basement stairs.
He opens the door and turns on a light.
From the top of the stair, it’s clear the downstairs is even
worse.
72.
MR. TURNER
I found her, she’d come in the
window, that stack of papers fell
on her. Killed pretty quick, I
think. It’s heavy.
OFFICER TODD
Why didn’t you call us?
MR. TURNER
I didn’t want you to think I killed
her.
Officer Sangha notices the dartboard with Ms. Phett’s photo
with hundreds of holes in it.
OFFICER TODD
What did you do with her body?
MR. TURNER
I’ve been dissolving it.
Both officers step back in shock.
OFFICER TODD
Dissolving it?
Mr. Turner looks down the stairs, he seems quite
disinterested in the subject.
Officer Sangha makes a “crazy?” gesture to Officer Todd.
MR. TURNER
Hydrochloric acid, it’s quite
strong, but it gets used up.
OFFICER TODD
You better show us where the body
is, for her parents.
MR. TURNER
Okay, I can do that. There’s not
much left to identify, but you
probably can confirm some DNA from
the fatty tissue in the sludge.
OFFICER TODD
Mr. Turner, you are under arrest
for indignity to a body, illegal
transport of a body. You have the
right to an attorney…
73.
EXT. TOWN STREET @ TURNER’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The Volunteer patrollers, Chase, Steve and Doug stand vigil
as Officers Todd and Sangha bring Mr. Turner out.
MR. TURNER
Hi boys, good luck on the game
tomorrow.
Officer Sangha puts his hand over Mr. Turner’s head and helps
him get into the police car.
Mr. Turner makes himself comfortable in the seat. He falls
quickly to sleep.
MR. TURNER (cont’d)
(muttering)
It’s over. It’s over.
OFFICER TOOD
Thanks boys, he confessed to
Tawnee, we’ll get a confession for
the others from him.
Officers Todd and Sangha get into the car. They drive away.
Chase and Steve weep.
Doug puts a hand on both their shoulders.
DOUG
At least it’s over now. Let’s go
home.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – FRIDAY MORNING
The Flag is flying half mast, but the memorial goods are
gone.
Students arrive at school on buses, parent’s cars, by foot or
their own cars.
Students great each other joyfully and in congratulations at
surviving the ordeal.
Principal Tyler greets each student as they walk up the
steps.
74.
EXT. PLAYING FEILD – FRIDAY NIGHT
The stands are packed for the big game – banners, big foamy
fingers, hand lettered signs – everything you need for a game
except cheerleaders.
Chase leads the team on the feild.
The crowd ROARS.
Officers Todd and Sangha sit cheerlessly on the bench where
the cheerleaders would have been.
Principal Tyler takes centre stage with a microphone to greet
the crowd.
PRINCIPAL TYLER
I want to thank you all for coming
and supporting our students, our
school and this fine team.
CROWD ROARS
PRINCIPAL TYLER (cont’d)
This game is dedicated to the
students who were taken from us
this week, they will be missed,
Chantal Gladwin, Jacquelyn Hanson,
Aja Freisen, Tawnee Brown and Tom
Clark. A moment of silence.
Everyone bows their head.
PRINCIPAL TYLER (cont’d)
This game is dedicate to their
memory.
SPORTS MONTAGE
– Ball is hiked to Chase, he looks for a receiver and throws.
– opposing team scores a touchdown
– Chase is distracted by Officer Todd talking to Officer
Sangha and is tackled
– scoreboard shows the opposing team winning by 21 points
– people are leaving early
75.
– Plain Jane looks down at the cheerleaders for the opposing
team and at Gwen sitting between the two pretty homecoming
girls a bench over.
END MONTAGE
Plain Jane leaves the bleachers and enters the cheerleading
area.
PLAIN JANE
2-4-6-8-Who do we appreciate?
Cougars Cougars Rah Rah Rah
People leaving hesitate. A hush.
Plain Jane tearfully looks into the crowd for support
PLAIN JANE (cont’d)
Let’s go cougars lets go
(clap clap)
Let’s go cougars lets go
(clap clap)
MAN IN CROWD
You suck!
PLAIN JANE
I’m trying to help, you’re leaving.
CROWD LAUGHTER
Gwen looks ashamed. She looks at the two committee girls.
They stand up.
GWEN AND COMMITTEE GIRLS
Give us a C
Crowd sits on their hands.
Gwen and two committee girls join Plain Jane.
GWEN AND COMMITTEE GIRLS (cont’d)
Give us a C.
FOOTBALL CROWD
(half-hearted)
C
Gwen strips down to her bra.
The Crowd starts screaming.
The committee girls strip down to their bras.
76.
The crowd goes wild.
Chase yells to the football team to get into position.
The roar of the crowd electrifies them.
GWEN AND COMMITTEE GIRLS
Give us a C.
FOOTBALL CROWD
(enthusiastic)
C
Plain Jane starts to slink away.
GWEN
Join us!
TWO COMMITTEE GIRLS
Give us an O!
Plain Jane basks in the glow of acceptance.
She peeks down her top.
PLAIN JANE
Laundry day bra.
Gwen shrugs and waves Jane to join them.
FOOTBALL CROWD
O
Plain Jane throw off her top to expose her white cotton full
support bra.
The Crowd CHEERS.
Plain Jane glows and joins haphazardly in the cheering.
Insert final scoreboard: Cougars win by 7 points.
The football team carries Chase on their shoulders.
The cheerleader bench is empty.
The crowd rushes the field to celebrate.
77.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – GYM – SATURDAY NIGHT
The gym is barely decorated and it’s a far more somber dance
than the celebration after the game.
Girls are dressed up and boys are handsome.
Few people are dancing.
Chase, Steve and Doug get a cup of punch. They make a toast.
CHASE
To Tom!
STEVE AND DOUG
To Tom.
They drink. They all make a face.
CHASE
Man, no one even spiked it.
They toss their paper cups in the nearby trash bin.
The doors open.
Plain Jane makes her entrance, she’s gorgeous. Her hair is up
and she’s entirely made over – a swan at last.
Boys stop and stare.
Chase steps forward and the other boys step back.
CHASE (cont’d)
Thanks for making us win the game
yesterday.
PLAIN JANE
You were the ones playing.
CHASE
Couldn’t have done it without your
cheering us on.
Chase holds his hand out.
CHASE (cont’d)
May I have this dance?
Plain Jane beams. He puts her hand in his.
Chase leads her out to the dance floor. They dance.
78.
Sulky Sue, although all in black, has made an effort to fancy
dress. She sulks along the wall, unhappy at this turn of
events for Plain Jane.
Gwen sits on a bench along the wall.
Sulky Sue sits beside her.
SULKY SUE
Hey.
GWEN
Hi.
SULKY SUE
I’m sorry about your friends.
GWEN
I’m just glad it’s over. A teacher,
creepy.
SULKY SUE
He was kinda a creepy teacher,
always looking at your boobs.
GWEN
They got him on Tawnee, I just wish
he’d confess to the rest of it, get
this horribleness behind us.
Sulky Sue looks at Plain Jane dancing with Chase. She’s so
happy and beaming with sheer joy.
SULKY SUE
Yeah, horribleness.
GWEN
So, are we all Goth now? Being
touched by death and all that?
Sulky Sue LAUGHS
SULKY SUE
You want an excuse to shop for new
outfits?
GWEN
No, I don’t want to think about
death again for a long time.
SULKY SUE
I don’t want to either.
79.
Sulky Sue slides off her lacy jacket, revealing a white
blouse underneath.
GWEN
It’s definitely a start.
Sulky Sue smiles.
GWEN (cont’d)
You have a pretty smile.
SULKY SUE
And you have more brains than I
thought you had.
GWEN
Want some punch? I hear it’s all
soda and juice, no one’s spiked it.
Sulky Sue reaches into her jack pocket.
SULKY SUE
Let’s go fix that right now.
Gwen and Sulky Sue race across the nearly empty dance floor
to the punch bowl.
Chase twirls Plain Jane and then pulls her close.
Plain Jane flushes slightly.
PLAIN JANE
Is this a dream? I feel like I’m
dreaming.
CHASE
It’s not a dream.
Plain Jane puts her head on his shoulder and they switch to a
slower dance.
In the back ground, Sulky Sue and Gwen have a cup of punch.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – NIGHT
Parents and buses pick up some students. Other students leave
in cars they are driving.
Chase and Plain Jane stroll outside.
Chase takes a deep breath.
80.
CHASE
Do you have a ride home?
PLAIN JANE
I was hoping to not be going home
quite yet.
CHASE
Oh?
Plain Jane leans in and kisses Chase. He doesn’t respond at
first.
Plain Jane slides her hand into his hair.
Chase kisses her back, trailing his fingers along her neck.
PLAIN JANE
Why don’t we go somewhere, more
private?
CHASE
Where?
PLAIN JANE
Lover’s Lane?
Chase winces.
PLAIN JANE (cont’d)
I’m sorry, it’s just that there
won’t be anyone there now, since
it’s colder.
CHASE
It’s not that, it’s that it’s the
last place I saw Chantal.
Plain jane steps back, horrified at her faux pas.
PLAIN JANE
I’m sorry, I should have
remembered, I just got carried
away, it was so wonderful dancing
with you and the punch-
CHASE
Which finally got spiked.
Chase looks at Plain Jane, even more attractive in the
starlight.
81.
CHASE (cont’d)
I can’t be afraid anymore, you were
so brave yesterday in front of that
crowd.
PLAIN JANE
Okay, now you sound hokey.
Chase LAUGHS.
CHASE
Let’s go.
Plain Jane grabs his hand.
They exit to the parking lot.
Sulky Sue and Gwen stagger out, LAUGHING.
SULKY SUE
I cannot remember when I ever had
fun at a school function.
GWEN
Me either, it’s great to just be a
person at one of these things, just
me. Not a cheerleader
not…anything.
Sulky Sue looks around.
SULKY SUE
Do you see Jane anywhere?
Gwen looks.
GWEN
Nope, why?
SULKY SUE
We’re supposed to walk home
together.
GWEN
I think she dumped you for Chase.
They walked out ahead of us.
Sulky Sue looks sad.
SULKY SUE
I guess she got what she wanted
then.
82.
GWEN
What was that? Chase?
SULKY SUE
Pretty much.
GWEN
My parents are picking me up, we
can give you a ride home.
Doug comes trotting up to them.
DOUG
Gwen.
DOUG (cont’d)
Doug.
DOUG (cont’d)
Gwen, are you drunk?
GWEN
No, of course we’re not drunk.
Gwen giggles.
DOUG
There’s an after party at mine, I
thought you’d come with me?
GWEN
Well, you should have asked me
before now.
Sulky Sue starts to walk away.
SULKY SUE
It’s okay Gwen, I’ll get home.
GWEN
No, I am not doing that to you, I
promised you a ride home.
SULKY SUE
Or we could go to the party?
Doug looks at Gwen then at Sulky Sue.
DOUG
Are you wearing make up?
83.
SULKY SUE
Gwen gave me a make over in the
bathroom.
DOUG
I’d be happy to bring you both to
the party.
Gwen and Sulky Sue nod. Doug steers them towards his car.
EXT. LOVER’S LANE – NIGHT
Only Chase’s car is parked.
Chase and Plain Jane are sitting on the trunk, leaning on the
back window looking at the stars.
CHASE
I didn’t think I was going to be
able to come back up here.
PLAIN JANE
I’m glad you did.
Chase grins at her.
CHASE
Me too.
Chase slips his arm around her.
Jane cuddles into Chase, sighing contentedly.
A SCREECH OWL flies over head, startling them.
Chase falls off the car.
Plain Jane slides off, and LAUGHING, helps him up.
CHASE (cont’d)
Well, that blows my cool for the
next hundred years. Stupid owl.
PLAIN JANE
I won’t tell anyone.
Plain Jane looks into Chase’s eyes.
He leans down and gently kisses her.
She kisses him back a little too eagerly.
84.
Chase breaks off the kiss.
PLAIN JANE (cont’d)
We don’t have to stop.
CHASE
Yes, we do.
PLAIN JANE
Why? Did I do it wrong?
CHASE
No, you kiss fine, great, I just..
PLAIN JANE
Aren’t interested in me? Then why
did you dance with me?
CHASE
Jane, a dance isn’t a relationship,
it’s just a dance.
Plain Jane looks like she’s going to cry.
CHASE (cont’d)
You’re nice and smart and pretty-
PLAIN JANE
You did say pretty?
CHASE
Yeah, you are pretty and other
things that are more important than
pretty.
PLAIN JANE
I never imagined that you’d think
there’s something more important
than pretty.
CHASE
Lots of things, brains, kindness,
but that’s not what this is about.
PLAIN JANE
Then why?
CHASE
I dated Chantal for a year, I cared
about her and she’s gone, you don’t
get over that in a week.
85.
(MORE)
Besides, this is senior year and
then college, I don’t want to start
a new relationship when everything
changes when I go away, and you’ll
go away too.
PLAIN JANE
But it doesn’t have to end at
college.
CHASE
Jane, this isn’t the beginning of a
fairytale where we end up married.
Plain Jane steps away and turns from Chase.
CHASE (cont’d)
C’mon Jane, we’re 17, you can’t be
thinking marriage, I don’t even
know what I want to do after
football.
PLAIN JANE
I want to go home.
Chase steps to the side of the car and opens the door for
her.
CHASE
That’s best.
INT. DOUG’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The party is in full swing. Couple are making out, people are
drinking and/or dancing.
Gwen and Sulky Sue are drinking together.
Doug is pacing, trying to get Gwen’s attention.
SULKY SUE
He’s trying to get you to notice
him.
GWEN
I’ve noticed, tonight is girl
night! To friendship!
Sulky Sue clinks her glass to Gwen’s.
SULKY SUE
Friendship.
86.
CHASE (cont’d)
GWEN
So, do you think Jane let Chase go
all the way?
SULKY SUE
Probably. Why wait for the prom
rush?
Gwen laughs.
GWEN
I wish I did. Aja was waiting.
SULKY SUE
That seems almost backwards.
GWEN
Yeah, poor Aja. Tom too I guess,
they were a couple forever.
Sulky Sue raises her glass.
SULKY SUE
To Aja and Tom.
Gwen clinks. They drink.
SCARED BOY bursts in the room.
SCARED BOY
Cops!
DOUG
Shit, it’s the basement, we’re
busted.
Officers Todd and Sangha enter.
OFFICER TODD
Underaged drinking.
Officer Sangha turns off the music.
OFFICER TODD (cont’d)
Break up the party, leave your cups
on the floor, everyone out. Go
home.
Officer Todd spies Sulky Sue.
OFFICER TODD (cont’d)
Where’s your friend Jane?
87.
The party guest put down their drinks and start to file out.
SULKY SUE
On a date with the quarterback.
Officer Todd looks surprised.
OFFICER TODD
That reminds me, I’d like to ask
you a question.
Sulky Sue sits down. Gwen sits down too.
Doug hovers.
OFFICER TODD (cont’d)
You don;t have to stay.
DOUG
I live here.
OFFICER TODD
Then go upstairs.
Doug follows the last person out.
OFFICER TODD (cont’d)
Wednesday night, what happened?
SULKY SUE
Jane and I decided to follow the
cheerleaders following Mr. Turner.
OFFICER TODD
You knew they were following Mr.
Turner?
SULKY SUE
Yeah, we over heard earlier. But we
thought the killer might be him
independently. We were at his house
first, in the tree across the
street.
OFFICER TODD
And Jane followed Aja down the side
of the house, before or after Tom
went down that side?
Sulky Sue thinks.
88.
SULKY SUE
You know, I’m not sure. After I
think. But that doesn’t make sense.
Sulky Sue puzzles it out.
OFFICER TODD
None of the evidence from other
others ties back to Mr. Turner,
we’re still waiting on DNA, but I
don’t think it’s going to point to
him.
SULKY SUE
But that dartboard…
OFFICER TODD
He might have been building to
workplace violence, but it was not
directed or focussed on students.
Sulky Sue looks at Gwen, ashamed.
SULKY SUE
Jane was angry at the cheerleaders,
really jealous.
OFFICER TODD
Where’s Jane’s house?
Sulky Sue stand up.
SULKY SUE
I’ll show you.
EXT. DIRT ROAD TO LOVERS LANE – NIGHT
Chase drives slowly down the road.
CHASE
This is where it happened.
Plain Jane looks. There’s no crime scene evidence or damage
to the trees.
PLAIN JANE
I think it was farther down.
CHASE
Farther? Are you sure?
89.
PLAIN JANE
There’s no marks on the tree or
police tape.
Chase peers into the trees.
CHASE
I guess you’re right.
Chase looks uncomfortable at Plain Jane.
A few more feet and they see the remnant of police tape.
Chase pulls over.
Plain Jane gets out, a smile on her lips. She closes her eyes
slightly.
EXT. TOWN STREET @ JANE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Officer Todd knocks on the door.
A light comes on.
MARTHA (Jane’s mother, late 40’s) answers.
MARTHA
Can I help you officer? Is
everything alright? That man’s
still in jail?
Officer Todd smiles.
OFFICER TODD
Ma’am, would you allow me to look
in your daughter’s room?
MARTHA
What’s this about? Her room? Is
Jane okay? Sue, is that you?
SULKY SUE
Yes, Ms McCormick, it’s me, we
don’t think anything’s wrong, we
just need to check Jane’s room, she
left the dance without me and…
Martha opens the door and waves them inside.
90.
MARTHA
You think Jane’s run away? Her
room’s upstairs, first door on the
right.
Officer Todd looks at Sue. Sue takes the lead.
INT. JANE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
The room is tidy and a bit fairy princess in decor, the room
of a much younger girl than Jane.
Officer Todd opens drawers, closet doors.
OFFICER TODD
Where would she hide secret things?
Officer Todd taps floorboards.
Sully Sue looks around, her eyes fall on a large unicorn
stuffed toy.
She goes to the unicorn, feels along the seams and finds a
velcro section.
VELCRO RIP
Sulky Sue peers inside.
SULKY SUE
Ohmigawd.
She holds the toy out for Officer Todd.
Office Todd looks in and pulls out a jar containing three big
toes.
Officer Todd takes her radio off her belt.
OFFICER TODD
(into radio)
Sangha, we need a warrant for the
house and an APB for Jane
McCormick. We found the trophy
toes.
Officer Todd puts her radio back on her belt.
OFFICER TODD (cont’d)
Sue, I’m gonna ask you to keep this
off your blog for a while.
91.
SULKY SUE
You read my blog?
OFFICER TODD
I read all the blogs by kids in the
town. But only yours for fun.
Sulky Sue smiles.
Officer Todd puts the toe jar back in the toy and prepares to
leave with it.
EXT. DIRT ROAD TO LOVERS LANE – NIGHT
Chase stares at the tree with damaged bark that Chantal had
struck.
His hand traces the damage in the bark.
Plain Jane stares in disbelief at the back of his head.
PLAIN JANE
She wasn’t nice to you even.
CHASE
It’s not about what kind of
girlfriend she was, it’s that I
don’t want to date anyone, even
nice, pretty and smart.
PLAIN JANE
Then it was all for nothing.
CHASE
What was?
PLAIN JANE
Nothing.
Chase turns around.
CHASE
What are you talking about?
PLAIN JANE
Clear that you’re just pretty and
brainless.
Chase steps towards Plain Jane.
92.
CHASE
You’re upset, I get it. Sorry, but
you and me weren’t going to work
out.
PLAIN JANE
You weren’t even willing to try.
CHASE
And I don’t have to, sorry, but
there you have it. You’d rather I
string you along?
Plain Jane steps towards the trees.
PLAIN JANE
You’re all the same, shallow and
selfish.
Plain Jane runs into the woods.
Chase is stunned.
CHASE
Jane! Come back, the woods aren’t
safe, it’s dark. You could trip and
get hurt!
Chase runs into the woods after her.
INT. WOODS – NIGHT
Plain Jane leads Chase deeper into the trees.
EXT. TOWN STREET @ JANE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The unicorn safely in the police car, Officers Todd and
Sangha wait for Sulky Sue.
Sulky Sue leaves Martha on the porch and approaches them.
SULKY SUE
Best bet is lover’s lane, it was a
fantasy of hers that she go there
with Chase.
OFFICER TODD
Can you stay here, I don’t think we
should delay in taking you home.
93.
SULKY SUE
I live next door, besides, Jane was
never after me. We’re friends.
Officers Todd and Sangha get into the car and drive away.
EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
Plain Jane gets to a campsite. She uncovers an axe and a
machete.
Chase enters the campsite. He stops when he sees Jane with
the weapons.
CHASE
I’m not going to hurt you.
PLAIN JANE
You already did.
CHASE
Jane, c’mon, let’s go back.
Plain Jane approaches Chase, a weapon in each hand.
Chase gets nervous and starts to back away.
CHASE (cont’d)
Jane, you don’t need those.
PLAIN JANE
But I do, they’re called
equalizers.
CHASE
What?
PLAIN JANE
You got me up here and tried to
rape me, I had to defend myself,
lucky I got away, but you chased me
and I came across this campsite,
where..
Chase turns and runs into the woods.
PLAIN JANE (cont’d)
In the middle of a conversation,
he’d make a lousy example of
manners to our children.
Plain Jane runs into the woods after him.
94.
Chase is making too much noise and not sure of his direction.
Jane runs ahead, cutting him off and appears on the loose
trail ahead of him. She swings at him with the axe, cutting
him deep enough for blood, but not enough to really injure
him.
Chase turns directions and runs hard into the woods.
Plain Jane keeps up the pursuit.
Chase stops at a large tree and considers climbing it, but
hears Plain Jane closing in.
CHASE
This is crazy, I’m not ready to
date. Then die, Chase. Fucking
chicks, they’re all crazy.
The ground starts to slope, Chase slows down. He sees the
bluff ahead.
He looks back, there’s a fairly worn trail, easily run along.
He looks ahead to the bluff and the big drop beyond.
CHASE (cont’d)
Might work.
Chase heads down the trail towards Plain Jane.
CHASE (cont’d)
(yelling)
Jane, is it too late to change my
mind?
PLAIN JANE (OS)
Just a little bit, Chase.
CHASE
We could go steady. Or just be
engaged now.
Plain Jane appears on the path.
PLAIN JANE
Now Chase, you don’t think I can
trust you, know that I know it was
me.
CHASE
Hey, I’m just pretty, what do I
know?
95.
Chase turns and runs hard down the trail to the bluff edge.
Plain Jane, huffing and puffing a bit, runs hard after him,
lowering her head to focus.
Chase turns a corner and grabs a tree, his feet swinging out
over the bluff, but swinging himself around the tree and back
to safety.
Plain Jane doesn’t seen the trail’s abrupt end.
Chase creeps to the edge, it’s too dark to see.
Chase walks back to
EXT. DIRT ROAD TO LOVERS LANE – NIGHT
The police car is parked by his car.
Chase emerges and sees Officer Todd.
CHASE
Glad to see you. It was Jane.
OFFICER TODD
Seems we figured it out the same
time as you.
CHASE
She wanted to marry me.
OFFICER TODD
How deep are you cut?
Chase looks at his blood soaked shirt.
CHASE
Not too, enough to go to the
hospital.
OFFICER TODD
Where is she?
CHASE
Bottom of the bluff, she came for
me, and I tried her into chase me
over the bluff. I grabbed a tree
and swung back around. She was
carrying two weapons.
96.
OFFICER TODD
It’s too dark to search the ravine
tonight, let’s get you to the
hospital.
EXT. RAVINE – DAY (CONTINUOUS)
Police and volunteers search the bottom of the bluff.
Volunteer brings a bloodied axe to Officer Todd.
VOLUNTEER
That’s all we can find.
Officer Todd looks up the bluff to where trail ends.
OFFICER TODD
Too big a drop to survive. Keep
searching.
Fade out.

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14 Responses to Screenplay: Killer Clique

  1. dykewriter says:

    A week before the Big Game, someone’s killing the cheerleaders and it’s a race been the footballers, a plain jane and the cheerleaders to see who stops the killings first (teen slasher, rought first draft)

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  2. dykewriter says:

    Nina, like any review, my comments are only the opinion of single reviewer. I always recommend getting a consensus from several trusted reviewers to get feel for what’s working and/or not working. And even then, take that consensus with a grain of salt. Sometimes, the writer IS right and everybody else wrong.

    I’ll be taking notes as I read.

    Page 3. Car bumps Chantal. My interest is peaked.

    Page 4. Cops show up at school.

    Page 5. Is “plain Jane” knocking of the competition?

    Page 10. Good dynamics between the kids.

    Page 10. Sue might be a suspect.

    Page 17. Second death.

    Page 18. Maybe not.

    Page 19. Gross! Are all slasher flicks that gross? (Which brings me to why aren’t there any nice kids in this script. I don’t mean “not bad kids” which you have.)

    Page 20. Love the Goodall remark. I’m starting to like these two.

    Page 21. There is a lot of good dialogue in this script.

    Page 22. The chick kills until she gets a date with Chase is what I thought when plain Jane enter the script. If that is the case, cut this line and use this scene to redirect the suspicion.

    Page 25. Photo shopping boobs: LOL!

    Page 25. Plain Jane lust for Chase. The way I understand this type film works is that the sexual girls die.

    Page 37. Tawnee badmouths Chase: She will die next.

    Page 45. Tawnee will be the bait.

    Page 46. Love the dog grave on the lawn touch.

    Page 49. Chase leaves.

    Page 50. Doesn’t look good for Aja.

    Page 50. Looks worse for Tom.

    Page 56. Very gross way to die.

    Page 59. “If I caught the killer I’d be popular” Touching line.

    Page 60. Trophy case: Gross!

    Page 66. Chase is back and it soooooo looks like he’s the killer.

    Page 66. “Beauty isn’t contagious.” Nina, you have so many good lines. I’m envious.

    Page 70. The break in; Did Chase find or plant the earrings?

    Page 74. Very nice twist with Turner.

    Page 74. It’s now safe to go to school. Ha!

    Page 76. I was touched when Jane was accepted.

    Page 90. Too caught up to takes notes.

    Page 93. Toes in the unicorn? I thought you were going to let her off the hook.

    Page 94. So you make Jane the killer after all. Well, I thought it was Chase for most of the script.

    Page 97. The end with a franchise possibility.

    Nina, I don’t watch this kind of movie and rarely read these kind of script but I really enjoyed this one and don’t think I’d change a think. Thanks for the chance to read your work. I’ll post a should read on the main board. Cheers, Dennis

    Dennis Hiatt 10/09/2006

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  3. dykewriter says:

    Killer Clique. First off, killer title. Dug it right away. Great hook already. Teenage slasher flick? Hot market for that. My guess is, lots of readers jumped on this based on the title and logline. Easy to read? You nailed that too.

    I realize this is a rough draft, some of the dialogue is missing and seems rushed (extra commas, some spelling errors, etc). But overall the storytelling is great. There’s a nice pace to it and I cruised through it this afternoon.

    Characters: Okay. Problem is, when you write about a school, you have many characters. Then, you try to make them stand out. For some, it’s obvious. What works: Plain Jane and Sulky Sue. Each scene, they caught my interest. Quirky, great dialogue, they stand out. What doesn’t: Chase. He kind of bumbles throughout the script. Jock, handsome, popular – but not much else. He needs to have a certain quip about him for us to care. Maybe he’s got a learning disability, or has a secret, abused life. Something to carry his weight as a somewhat victim himself. Make us care about him in ways other characters don’t know exist. I don’t think him wanting a “real” relationship does it. Also, Mr. Turner. If he’s gonna be a suspect, he needs more screen time with, say, weird fetishes. Make us feel creepy about him from the start. I knew he wasn’t the killer from the beginning. He was too uninvolved.

    Dialogue: Good. Most times, short, to the point. Plain Jane and Sulky Sue have the best lines. What works: Plain Jane and Sulky Sue talking about the cheerleaders. Talking about school life like flies on the wall but secretly wanting more. What doesn’t: the cheerleaders themselves, maybe. They are kind of just there. More into Chase than anything. I was hoping there’d be a bit of HEATHERS kind of personalities thrown in to make them stand out.

    Plot: Very Good. But, it needs to have a bit more suspicion thrown around. Hate to tell you this – but I knew it was Plain Jane the entire time. Try to throw the reader off more; give more into Mr. Turner, make one of the boys, say, Steve or Doug, some mental abnormality. But screw with us as readers, make it anything but predictable. Also, don’t have Plain Jane so obvious in love with Chase. That’s how I pegged her from the start. What works: the overall concept – someone offing cute cheerleaders. Always works. If it was members of the high school band, no one would care. Cheerleaders? You got them lining up. Also, the killer’s methods of dismemberment. Awesome, especially Jacquelyn’s torture with her limbs. I cringed with the bones popping. Here’s where your script gains strength. Not your basic stabbing death. Maybe add a few more? Like Tom? What doesn’t: nothing. I think you have a solid concept here.

    Overall: Good read. I know you had fun with this and I’m glad I read it. I know you’ll put another version out soon and I’d like to see it again. Just don’t make Plain Jane so obvious, give the characters more meat, and add another unique death (or two).

    Good luck,

    Mark

    Mark John DaSilva 10/26/2006

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  4. dykewriter says:

    Hi Nina

    This is pretty good for a first draft. And you got it done in four days? Wow. Wish I could that that.

    The script is pretty tight for a quick, first draft, but of course, as expected from a first draft, there are a lot of typos and some questionable grammar. I’m sure you’ll easily iron those out on later passes. I won’t even bother pointing any of that stuff to you. In fact, I won’t comment on that or your format. You seem to know what you’re doing. It is written in a clean format. I thank you for that. Others could learn from you when it comes to a clean style. The piece was a pretty fast and easy read. I’m sure once you’re through with it’ll be fit as fiddle and it’ll even read better. Nothing worst than plodding through a badly formatted script. As you probably know, screenplays with proper format can often disguise bad writing or bad storytelling, but bad format almost always is the first clue to a bad script, or at least, bad execution, even if the idea is a good one.

    So with that out of the way, let’s talk about the story itself. Basically what you have is a teen slasher movie. You’re not hiding the fact that it’s simply that. I wish it had been more that. When I first started reading it, I thought it was (more on that later).

    As far as slasher movies go, you’ve done a very good job of writing one. All the requisite characters seem to be there. I suspected all of them at one time or another and I was guessing until very end. It wasn’t shock that it was Plain Jane, but you did have me trying to guess who it was. I think you can pretty much pick any character and make him or her into the killer without messing up the general balance of your story.

    The actual murders were quite fitting to the genre. Not entirely original but very gruesome, especially Jacquelyne’s murder. That one was especially sadistic. (Does your mother know what you’re writing about? Just kidding.)

    Ultimately the problem with the script for me was that it didn’t rise above your typical slasher movie. I think we’ve all seen pretty much every angle there is on the genre, and you don’t really break any new ground with it the way “Scream” did. The thing about it, thought, is that, since this is a first draft, I think what you have is a great spring board for creating a superior script. It is presently a great skeleton to build on.

    This is where I thought you were going when I first started reading your script — although there is a certain “tongue in cheek” quality throughout your entire script, I believed when I first started reading it that what I was in store for was a black comedy. Were you going for that? Is it that? If you weren’t going for that; if you were going for a straight slasher flick, then my apologies. If you were shooting for a black comedy, then I don’t you’re there yet.

    Have you seen “Ghost World”? Even though I had some issues with that movie I nevertheless very much enjoyed the two high school friends played in that movie by Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson. I immediately thought of them when you first introduced Plain Jane and Sulky Sue. I think you have the opportunity with your two characters to turn your slasher movie into more than just a slasher movie. With their cynical running commentary (which is ripe for very cutting and funny observations on the popular kids); with the story viewed through their eyes; with their amateur sleuthing — I think you have the makings of a very funny, and creepy, dark comedy.

    Nina, of course these comments are simply one guy’s opinion. Please feel free to ignore some if not all of the things I’ve mentioned above. I could very possibly not know what the hell I’m talking about. I did enjoy reading your script very much. You may be able to place it somewhere as a straightforward slasher movie. I think there will always be an audience for these type of movies. I do wish you lots of luck with it and I hope I’ll see you at the movies one day. Let me know if you have any questions.

    Juan

    Juan Ward 10/15/2006

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  5. dykewriter says:

    Hi Nina, first of all, my review of your screenplay is intended to help you, any comments made are entirely in good faith, hopefully it will comply with that purpose, having that said I did like your script, but as you already know there are some concerns.
    The sex and violence is definitely there, very graphic good descriptions, it is a little bit unclear why Plane Jane suddenly snapped and where all that pined up anger came from, Mom seems nice, Dad left? I never had the feeling that she was smart and physically strong enough to pull such an complex murder act together, I guess it was somewhat your intention to keep her weak, most films in this genre show the cute blonde smashing a fly or spider in the blink of an eye, just a suggestion. As for your main character, he is underdeveloped, all he does is make out with girls and play football, he doesn’t posses any likeable qualities, he doesn’t show any remorse after his ex-girlfriend dies, with only one week until the big game, a small town would be in lock down after the first murder, they would send in the FBI on the second and the National Guard on the third, although the senior citizen patrol is a nice touch. We don’t get to know the Cheerleaders good enough to care for them, so when they die it doesn’t really move the story or feelings, the same for the boys. I’m sure you are aware that there are several spelling mistakes which could have easily be avoided by a simple spell check run on your software. As for structure the only thing that bothered me was that you used continues instead moments later. Your principal pops antacid pills like crazy, I thought you would use that for your story, maybe they find some tablets in one of the girls stomach, Plane Jane knew about the Principals habits. The same with the English Teacher, he dissolved one of the girls body, he needed a better reason then her just laying dead in the basement, what if he had an affair with her and he was afraid it would come out. References to TV shows are generally discouraged, it has been done too many times, sorry.
    Overall you have a good premise, well thought-out execution in the story line, it was a fast read which is always good. I hope I was not to harsh on you, feel free if you have any specific questions regarding my review or your script.

    Best of Luck

    Stephan

    Stephan Hans 10/17/2006

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  6. dykewriter says:

    Hi Nina,
    Please take any advice that makes sense to you and trash the rest. If you have any questions about my comments please feel free to z-mail me. Please take all comments in the sprit that they are given. They are given to help.

    I will be putting a screenplay up nest week. If you would reciprocate it would be greatly appreciated.

    Hope this review helps.
    Chuck

    First Ten Pages:
    Funny but a bit slow. The killing on page two and kind of slowly downhill from there. Some good jokes but the story isn’t really moving. I would somehow try to get the boobs in a jar to page 10. LOL “boobs in a jar”

    CHARACTERS:
    I would definitely have like to seen more character descriptions.
    Really loved the character of Jane and Sue. The rest…they could die for all I care. Get it…die…for…yeah.

    PLOT:
    Reminds me of my screenplay The Herd. Cheesy high school horror flick where the kids have to save the day. For a slasher flick it sure didn’t have much slashing.

    QUALITY OF WRITING:
    Seems to me that you slapped this out pretty quick. First draft?

    ORIGINALITY:
    Not too original but it has the start of a good script.

    CINEMATIC QUALITY:
    Very cool and VERY John Watersish. At least that is what I thought of as I read.

    Page by Page:
    Great page one. Bouncing cars…”on the rag.”

    The description of putting Chantel in the shower curtain is longer than it needs to be. Two lines max for that.

    The jock boys are such dicks! Hehe.

    The science teacher thing seems to be out of place. Mention of another body part is cool but the rest should go. Red herring material but way too in your face.

    Dildos, penis gags and arms popping out of sockets. I love it!
    Girls decide to try to crack case.

    Good scenes with kids getting info on the internet.

    I’m at page 31. I need more gore and killing!!!

    Okay there’s an arm that’s better, but I would like to see this script a little less talking and a whole lotta rockin as far as gore and killing go.

    Power puke!!! YES!

    I have to be honest and say I am getting kind of bored at this point (page 41) snappy dialogue can only get you so far. I would like to see both the police and Jane doing more investigation/planning.
    I am thinking a killing every ten pages would be about right for this one. Only two so far. 😦

    I think it would be funny after the officer asks for anyone that has had contact with the victims come forward if there was a montage of people and confessions either true and wacky or untrue and even wackier.

    Love the Sue and Jane characters. There needs to be a lot more of them and less of the jocks/cheerleaders to put more sweetness into the script. Kind of a slasher napoleon dynamite.

    You have quite a few formatting errors in this. Probably due to conversion but just thought I’d bring it up.

    Love Turner’s house description and stakeout setup.

    Page 56 – Even with the new killings and disappearances you are losing my interest. I don’t really care for any of the kids at this point.

    Ouch — scalp cut. Good stuff!

    Good killing but that is only three so far. When you get to this stuff and the outcast girls the story rolls along fine.

    Officer Todd’s speech on page 67 is WAY too long. I glazed over. : )

    Turner was in his house when the last crime happened why are the kids still chasing him?

    The stack of paper thing is way beyond plausible for me.

    Jane cheerleading is good. Funny and sweet.

    I like the fact that you have the two people I suspected as the killer together going to lover’s lane. I think you should play the fact that they might be the killer closer to the start. I would play it up a bit more toward the end. Is Jane going to kill Chase or is Chase going to kill Jane?

    Chase’s speech on 85/86 get a bit preachy and beat us over the head with the brains are better than beauty thing.

    Gwen and Sue getting together is good. Reminds me of “The Herd” with my girls getting together.

    What happened to the ending? Needs a better ending for sure.

    OVERALL:

    I like the idea of this story but the execution is a long way from finished.

    chuck norfolk 10/09/2006

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  7. dykewriter says:

    Hi Nina,

    Since both of us have slashers live right now, I had to read my opposing slasher. Have you had any complaints about not being original or people knowing who the killer was right away? I’ve had a few of those. I think I have to change my killer to make it harder to figure out. As for original, when a reviewer compares the script to some of the biggies, trying to make it sound like a bad thing, that’s actually a compliment because Hollywood loves sticking with a formula they know works. With so many slashers being done already, it’s impossible to be completely original.

    Having said that, you used a different spin that I can’t recall that’s been done before… a homely girl killing the pretty ones. In mine, my original hook is the killer giving a gift with a hint inside of how the victim will die. I think these things are original.

    I ask myself if I didn’t know from my office that Jane was the killer before I even started reading the script, would I have suspected her? Probably, but I don’t see that as a bad thing. In some slashers, we know who the killer is. In others, we don’t. There’s no right way over another.

    I think you did a very nice job and after some polishing, Deb will be ready to rep it.

    I made detailed notes while reading so I’ll just jump into those. They cover some minor writing things and anything I saw while reading that I might question. I hope you find some use in the notes.

    NOTES:

    Page 1 – overlooking

    make-out

    Cars bounce to carrying degrees.

    She smacks Chase’s hands. Since Chantel just spoke, using ‘she’ needs to refer to the last speaker. Since Chase didn’t just speak or have an action, you would refer to his name here for clarity.

    ‘on the rag’ LOL. That’s what my husband calls it. Kind of odd coming from a 42-year-old man.

    Chase scrambles away from her and out of the car. Another variation on the he/she thing. By using proper names every time someone is mentioned, it gets repetitive since we already see their names in dialogue headings all the time. I like to mix it up with he/she’s when appropriate.

    We’re not outside of Chase’s car so either add a new slug, or what I would do, is in previous slug, use INT./EXT. CHASE’S CAR so it covers both inside and out.

    A distant pause ensues from the other bouncing cars as windows…

    Page 2 – Mr. “won’t shower in a raincoat.”

    What does Chantel bump her head on?

    Cars she passes by resumes their bouncing.

    Page 3 – The engine REVS.

    Tires SQUEAL.

    CRACK.

    Page 4 – I wouldn’t cap “Car door opens.” I’d just leave it in normal print.

    ‘Reaching across her body’ and ‘the Killer reaches’ in the same sentence. I’d rephrase one to lose a ‘reach’ to sound better.

    the killer lifts Chantel

    NOTE: I just realized that sometimes you cap ‘killer’ and sometimes you don’t so you’ll want to choose one method and stick with it every time.

    ‘run for it’ sounds like they’re running to the police car. You could say they flee which is clearer.

    If the stoner kids aren’t going to have any real role, I suggest not even capping them. With my experience with the Bedbugs producers, when they do a casting report, they’re looking for characters with speaking roles. Extras don’t matter so if we cap extras, in a character report it will look like there are a lot more major roles than there really are, which can kill a sell.

    Page 5 – Plain Jane, crushed, rushes into the school.

    Page 6 – … with crime scene photos inside.

    He pulls out a second sealed bottle…

    ‘make-up’ has a hyphen, except in the case if someone said “kiss and make up.”

    Page 7 – I would put what’s written on the van in quotes.

    … ambles out of the van

    Page 8 – … are on my side, right?

    Page 11 – … just got its millionth hit!

    … something from my locker. Wait for me? (a period works better here since there’s a long pause in-between segments. I see this in some other cases in the script so far, but it’s not a big deal. I just wanted to point out one so you can consider whether you agree or not).

    Page 12 – Try using a variety of verbs. Tawnee PUTS it in her bookbag. Gwen takes the coat and PUTS it on. You’ll find that by rephrasing one that it makes the writing sound better.

    When the girls scream, it’s capped, which I wouldn’t do. Sounds made by the human mouth don’t need to be capped as they’re actually verbs, unless they’re off screen. Then a scream, laugh or other sound made by the mouth should be capped because it’s a sound that gets added.

    Page 13 – blowup

    Page 14 – … scopes out Plain Jane

    Page 15 – … scopes out Plain Jane again.

    … it’s probably a one off… I’m not comprehending the line.

    Why does Turner open and close his mouth? Was he about to say something? Clarify.

    With the gossiping students, write their dialogue as normal dialogue, not using a separate line for each line.

    Page 16 – Good of you both to attend.

    Page 17 – … that her breasts were.

    Page 18 – Okay, Jacquelyn is talking into her cell phone, right? Use (into cell phone) as the parenthical so it’s clear. (on cell phone) can be misunderstood to mean that we’re hearing her voice over the phone.

    Page 19 – ‘I can be very understanding’ ‘I don’t understand’ repeating the core word, of course. I would rephrase one for a smoother read.

    Page 22 – When Jacqueline speaks through the gag, I would write what she actually says but use a parenthical (muffled). There’s no way to know how she would sound through the gag so trying to guess how the words would come out might be confusing to the actress learning her part.

    Jacqueline’s struggle loosens…

    … out of its socket

    The killer shakes his head. (it’s okay to use ‘his’ even though we don’t know the killer’s sex because it sounds better than using ‘their’ all the time).

    Page 23 – … out of its hip socket

    Page 25 – … as long as it’s for

    Page 26 – courtyard

    Chase pops out of the bushes and taps Steve.

    A couple of the students should razz Steve for screaming over seeing a spider. A little unusual for a guy.

    Page 27 – … there won’t be any for us.

    Page 29 – Internet

    … not going postal, people.

    Page 30 – partway tidy

    Page 31 – backup

    Page 32 – practice

    Page 33 – facedown

    Page 34 – We’re in and out of the police car here so use the INT./EXT. slug for the police car to cover both places in one shot.

    Page 35 – … as the last players head to the showers.

    I would suggest avoiding ‘is’ and ‘are’ in action lines as much as possible. Tell the action you want shown instead of stating what we’re already seeing.

    … for girls lately.

    Page 36 – I don’t think that’s surprising right now.

    Page 37 – Chase heads inside.

    You have WEDNESDAY MORNING in the slug. I know you noted the days for your own use, but I haven’t seen any before now so I think you removed them but overlooked this one.

    … where remnants of police tape remain.

    Page 38 – hand-me-downs

    Page 39 – I didn’t even do…

    Page 40 – self-defense

    Girls cheer. Boys have a mixed reaction.

    “Officer Todd, are you here?” isn’t lined up with the principal’s dialogue.

    Page 41 – The redheaded girl’s dialogue isn’t aligned.

    Groans and protests.

    Page 42 – And you were the last…

    I believe you’ve capped lover’s lane previously, but not now.

    Page 43 – … after the assembly

    Page 45 – space missing between -/CONTINUOUS

    practicing

    Page 46 – Chase’s line is out of alignment.

    Page 47 – I’m seeing some words spelled like the English would spell them, like ‘neighbour’s’ instead of ‘neighbor’s’ so I haven’t been mentioning these. I think they’re intentional.

    Use SAME as the time of day in the slug to show for sure the scene takes place at the same time as the previous one.

    ‘your mom’ won’t be capped because it’s not being used as a proper name.

    Page 48 – … a likely headline?

    Page 49 – Too bad Chase is missing out.

    Doug down the far side… The line doesn’t make sense to me.

    Page 51 – The same thing as earlier with the mouth opening and closing. I think you should elaborate on why the person does it.

    … holding the bloodied 2 x 4 moves to Aja.

    THWACK. The 2 x 4 comes…

    Two periods after ‘sounds’

    Page 52 – We’re playing a game. Someone just screamed down there.

    Page 53 – Extra space between and/slip

    Page 56 – waist-high railing

    Cool death scene!

    … and its sad memorial.

    If any more parents

    Page 57 – Space missing after OFFICE

    Page 60 – O.S. Several students SCREAM.

    When moving from room to room inside a main location, like the school, you can just use the location in place of a slug (in caps, of course). This helps a lot with the pacing.

    Chase stares at the hair.

    He starts to cry. Does he cry or not? When using ‘starts’ then what the person starts to do should be interrupted before they can finish. If he cries, he succeeded in the act so just states “He cries.”

    With the various students, same as before. Just list the dialogue as you would with one person speaking. It’s a given that a different student will have each line.

    Page 63 – How exactly am I supposed to take it?

    Use (over PA system) next to the speaker’s name. That’s where directions for WHERE something is said go. Underneath is for HOW they’re said.

    Page 64 – Students cheer.

    Gwen stands and…

    Page 65 – self-defense

    Page 68 – bottles of chemicals

    Page 70 – Back yard’s from the next street over.

    They look around for a tool.

    In order for Doug to say “What?” he needs to receive strange looks from his companions.

    It’s dark inside.

    Page 71 – Both nod grimly. I have a problem with using ‘they both’ together as both words mean the same thing so you only need one, whichever one sounds best for the line.

    … step out of the darkness.

    Page 72 – … isn’t it?

    Page 74 – Students greet each other

    Page 75 – This game is dedicated to…

    Page 76 – Now, I’m no expert on this so check with people who know, but in the NFL, cheerleaders don’t travel with the team. If that’s true for high school football too,, the opposing team’s cheerleaders wouldn’t be here at this school. If that’s right, that would be a plot hole many will spot. But it might also be different for high school ball.

    Gwen looks ashamed. (looks is used twice here so I suggest using a different verb for one).

    During the cheers, you don’t have any punctuation at the end. Use something, a comma, period, a … just something so it doesn’t look odd with no punctuation at the end.

    Page 78 – Chase holds out his hand. The preposition thing. Most lines won’t end with one. I’ve seen other cases throughout the script but didn’t note them because I may have mentioned this the last time I reviewed for you. But just in case I didn’t, I feel I should mention it now.

    Chase places her hand in his.

    Page 79 – Who is so happy and beaming with joy? Sue or Jane? As written, I can’t tell which one.

    Sulky Sue laughs.

    Page 80 – … reaches into her jacket pocket.

    background

    Page 82 – When using a … leave a space after it before the next word. There’s a good reason why this is done. If you look at the case here, ‘not…anything’ is mistaken for one word by your program. It should be that ‘not… goes next to ‘cheerleader’ on that line for a more even look.

    Page 85 – Did you say “pretty?”

    Page 86 – Couples are making out…

    Page 88 – The party guests put down their drinks and file out.

    You don’t have to stay.

    Page 90 – Why does Jane close her eyes slightly? I think we need a little more. Is she exhilarated being at the crime scene?

    Page 93 – I think it has more effect if Chase just yells “Jane, come back!” We can guess why he wants her to.

    Page 95 – You don’t think I can trust you, now that you know it was me.

    Page 96 – Jane goes over the edge, right? You need to say so and add some excitement to it. She disappears over the edge. The sound of breaking LIMBS as she topples into the darkness. Her SCREAM echoes into the distance until it fades to silence.

    Not too much,

    She fell off the bluff. (no need to dictate how it happened since we watched it happen).

    Page 97 – I think if you want to leave with an open ending, you need a little more, something to show Jane might be alive. Could be a footprint leading away from the bluff. Could be some slight blood in the dirt.

    Again, very good job, Nina. For those who think it isn’t possible to write a quality draft in a matter of days, that shows them. I can’t do a great job if I don’t write quickly.

    I think I had one of your reviewers on my script. He said I should hook up with Nina for a slasher because both were so good at it. That was a nice compliment.

    Good luck!
    Vicky Neal 10/24/2006

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  8. dykewriter says:

    Review : Killer Clique

    STORY:
    I thought it was a good straight forward story with solid twists along the way to keep a reader interested. Good turn of events early on with the body parts in the locker p16. At p21 I thought that Tawnee was the killer in order that she would be with Chase at the homecoming. P24 I’m beginning to think that Sulky Sue might be behind it, but have my doubts as she seems to obvious, but I’m already confused so that is good. P89 I now know it’s plain Jane. Good open ended ending. All in all a good read.
    .
    CHARACTERS:
    Plain Jane and sulky Sue are perfect characters to represent the audience(at the beging) and ask the question that they would. In themselves they are interesting on the outskirts looking in just like the audience. The other characters are clichéd in their own way but you need people who are easily identifiable so that you can focus on the plot and not on building the characters so all in all they work.

    DIALOG:
    Generally very good. Brisk to the point kept the story moving, without going into any long monologue which wouldn’t suit this genre. Humorous at times like when the boys talk about not having any hot girls left because they will all be killed.
    A lot of it is to serve the story as opposed to needless padding. Each character has distinct enough dialogue to suit their character traits.

    SCENES:
    The pacing is good moves along quickly. It serves the story well. Considering it is a rough draft it doesn’t seem to lag anywhere.

    TECHNICAL CRAFT:
    The script is well written, it read well. I couldn’t fault the script from a technical viewpoint. Twits and turns were coming at the right times..

    SUMMING UP Good visual story, likable characters, Interesting twists. It isn’t completely original as this type of story has been done before. But I believe that the story is told in a interesting enough way to succeed and also there is always a market for this type of film.

    kevin J Flaherty 10/11/2006

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  9. dykewriter says:

    “Straight To Rewrite” analysis
    http://www.kenmora.com

    SCREENPLAY: Killer Clique
    BY: Nina Tryggvason

    CRITIQUE BY: Ken Mora
    DATE: 10.22.06

    Score: (5 pt. Scale) – Mostly general notes to be considered when reading Specific Page Notes that follow.

    (3+) Overall Impression — An often fresh, often rote, take on a genre flick can be pushed to fulfill it’s potential with more use of elements already in place.

    (3+) Characters — Fresh in concept, with an emphasis on cliquishness, but the action is too-often driven by non-protagonists.

    (4) Story/Plot — No restructuring needed at all. So neat, it’s almost paint-by-numbers, but the scenes need more symbolic and cinematic substance to them.

    (4) Quality of Writing — Crisp and clean, yet still rife with present progressives, mixed tenses, and overuse of boring verbs like “is.” Also, quite a few orphans that can easily be eliminated.

    (2) Originality — Of course, not what you’re going for, but the “fresh” elements could be pumped up more with just a little effort at establishing symbolic elements and “call backs” to those elements.

    (4) Cinematic Quality — Could be pushed to that final level with more false scares and false clues.

    (4) Scene Structure/Description — Occasionally wordy, often uses “is” instead of more cinematic verbs.

    (4) Dialogue — Often funny, very real, sounds in form and substance like the characters it portrays, and give each a fairly unique voice. But even this could be pushed.

    Specific Page Notes —

    PROOFING LEGEND:
    [ ] = suggested cut
    { } = suggested rephrase
    s/b = “should be”
    c/t = “changed to”
    [HH] = heavy-handed suggestion.
    p.1
    CHANTAL
    Nice, really nice. You should be
    glad, considering I’m late, Mr.
    Won’t Shower in a Raincoat.

    DIALOG: Took me a bit to get this condom reference.

    p.3
    Chantal pees in fear.

    SHOW & TELL: I like the reaction – It’s “real” but I don’t know how this shot would look like. Can you describe the ground, the growing yellow stain on her white pants (up to this point, I pictured her in a cheerleader outfit from your intro.)

    ***********************************
    MILESTONE CHECKLIST – The Opening:
    TONE – What TONE for this script has been established?
    A gripping opening. Action packed, plenty of mystery.

    CRAFT ISSUES:
    CINEMA – How is the opening cinematic and compelling?
    Quickly sets up the characters, their attitudes and relationships, then right into the encounter with the antagonist. Good work.

    CLARITY – Are ideas, description, dialog presented unambiguously?
    You’re “cheerleader” description inadvertently “dressed” your character for me in a way that doesn’t seem to accommodate my being able to see her pee herself. Consider visual, rather than social descriptions of your dating couple.

    STYLE – Are action lines and dialog concise yet visually compelling?
    Well done.

    SHOW & TELL – Does the writer describe only what can be seen on screen?
    Is all information disclosed to the reader, also disclosed to the audience?

    Aside from the character intro’s, yes.

    CHARACTER: Are all characters clearly defined and three dimensional?
    Well done.

    DIALOG: Is dialog clear, relevant, and move the story forward and/or support character development?
    Good work.

    PROFESSIONALISM:
    FORMAT – Does the writer conform to spec script standards?
    Absolutely.

    TYPOS – Are there unacceptable errors of spelling or grammar?
    None.

    ***********************************

    ***********************************
    MILESTONE CHECKLIST – The Hook:
    What incident(s) have you written that compels the reader forward within the first pages?
    Direct and to the point. Who is the killer? Why did he/she kill Chantal?

    ***********************************
    p.6
    OFFICER SANGHA
    Lover’s Lane, as the kids call it.

    PLOT: Curious, then why all the to-do about the transport?

    Principal Tyler opens a drawer and pulls out an industrial
    sized bottle of antacid tablets. Only one tablet falls out.

    STYLE: VERY nice “tell!” So nice, I don’t think you need the following line about the second bottle. In fact his lack of planning ahead on this issues, at odds with the precision of the office, would serve as a stronger signal of his denial on top of inner conflict.

    He glances down at the file folder – a photo of Chantal, her
    bashed in face made up like Tammy Faye Baker Junior, has
    slipped out on his desk.

    STYLE: Nice “signature” for you murderer.

    p.7
    Students {pour} out of the school, {gather} in groups, ad hoc gossiping about Chantal’s murder.

    [HH] STYLE: Unless you’re trying to slow the pace, consider sticking to the simple present for a cleaner read.

    Students wander over[, hoping to get picked for interviews].

    SHOW & TELL: The attraction of kids to cameras is almost primal, you don’t need to describe the invisible [ ].

    The flag {flies} at half-mast . .

    [AT] I know from your past work, as well as this extremely professional script, that you don’t need me yammering about much basic stuff, but just a little “is avoidance”, especially when a visual verb can take it’s place is a nice little way to keep the general interest level high.

    CHASE
    No, I saw her second to last.

    DIALOG: Nice line.

    It’s a glass gallon jar with two round pink breasts.

    CINEMA: Nice work, a further “calling card.”

    p.17
    MS. PHITT
    You and I agreed, he has to be the
    one to quit, the union….

    PRINCIPAL TYLER
    I know, it’s just…

    MS. PHETT
    Yes?

    DIALOG: I can’t rationally explain why this feels stilted, but it raises a red flag that screems “staged reveal” Consider one small change:
    [HH] {
    MS. PHITT
    You and I agreed, he has to be the
    one to quit, the union….

    PRINCIPAL TYLER
    {No, it‘s not that,} it’s just…

    MS. PHETT
    Yes?
    }
    FURTHER: Again, can’t tell you why, but this feels more natural.

    MS. PHETT
    I understand from the student
    rumour mill, that her breasts
    {where.}

    TYPO: {where} s/b {were}

    PRINCIPAL TYLER
    Yes[, they were.] The police told me
    that the killer had also removed
    another body part, but they didn’t
    say what.

    DIALOG: The [ ] cut saves a line.
    PLOT: Nice bit of intrigue, and a good setup.

    [MS. PHETT
    You said something about creepy and
    ineffectual males?]

    SCENEWORK: Consider cutting this. Much stronger to end on the setup and door-take.

    p.18
    JACQUELYN
    Hiding in my bush, Chase?

    DIALOG: Funny line, but consider something even broader: “You like my bush, Chase?” or “You checking out my bush, Chase?”

    p.18-19
    SULKY SUE
    I guess Homcoming Committee Chair
    is going for Homecoming Queen slut.

    PLAIN JANE
    You mean slot, Homecoming Queen
    slot.

    SULKY SUE
    No, I didn’t.

    TYPO: {Homcoming} s/b {Homecoming} – I wouldn’t have picked up on this except that my word processor highlighted it as a typo. Might want to check this throughout.
    [HH] DIALOG: Again, funny as-is, bust consider shorter timing on this for maximum punch:
    {
    PLAIN JANE
    I guess Homecoming Committee Chair
    is going for the Homecoming Queen
    slot.

    SULKY SUE
    More like Homecoming Queen slut.
    }

    Through the front window on the street, Plain Jane tugs on
    Sulky Sue’s arm.

    TIMING: It read like they had already moved on, because you state:

    Plain Jane and Sulky Sue walk by.

    at the outset, and don’t tell us they stopped. Consider adding “They stop.”

    ***********************************
    MILESTONE – The First 20 Pages:
    DISTINCTION: What is it that uniquely distinguishes this story from all others?
    Uniqueness is not quite your goal, but rather a genre thriller. So, this question should be “what fresh take distinguishes this story from others in its genre.” First, it’s extremely well written. I’ve been having to pour over it to finds something constructive to say, and those things have been mostly subjective calls. Second, the clique focus, while a background in many slasher films is usually not the focus, so highlighting that is a big plus. Kind of like generic-slasher-film meets Mean Girls.

    CINEMA: Is what you describe visually compelling?
    Absolutely. You’ve got a great theme, with a staged escalation that is at once underplayed, promising more and more as the story progresses. Nice “Jaws” build to the action.

    THE CHALLENGE: What challenge must your protagonist overcome?
    I wonder if this is actually a split-protagonist film. I guess I’d have to give the protagonist label to Plain Jane, with Sulky Sue as her sidekick. Ironically, though both would fit in a clique themselves (Plain Jane: Nerds, Sulky Sue: Goths) they function outside of their respective cliques. I like the irony of them breaking the central thematic structure as we see in them each the “mirror” of the other. In this way your dialog brings out what a mono-protagonist depiction would have to convey using other cinematic devices. I wonder how much of this you planned, or if it came about “organically” but it’s a great device for an “organic reveal” as the story progresses.

    PROTAGONIST: What clearly defines your protagonist(s)?
    I’ll assume the Plain Jane and Sulky Sue pairing are “the” protagonist. My only beef would be that so far they aren’t driving any developments. As members of “out” cliques, this is not entirely unrealistic, but by the end of Act One they’ll need to be more that spectators and witnesses to the plot. SUGGESTIONS: Although both your protagonists are “outies” it’s still possible to see them effect the plot as “tools” of the “innies” who might go to them for information, or might receive information from these observant two in a hostile exchange. Consider something like:
    [HH] {
    PLAIN JANE (or SULKY SUE)
    Oh, yeah. Well I personally
    can’t wait to see what scandal
    comes out of Chantal’s locker
    when they clear it out.
    }
    As a comeback to some snipe by Aja, Tawnee or Jaquelyn, this would alert them to the danger, and give your protagonist the plot-driving role of instigating the locker reveal.

    ANTAGONIST: What clearly defines antagonist(s)? Is the antagonist a worthy adversary?
    The Antagonist’s true identity is, or course, still a mystery.

    CHARACTERS: Are there the minimum necessary to support this story?
    Plenty of shared action an dialog for the presumed slasher-fodder clique, and plenty of false suspects for the identity of the slasher.

    Are they easily distinguished from each other?
    Ironically, you really don’t need to distinguish too much between clique members (their common cliquishness being part of the premise) but you’ve got nice queues as to who the more sensitive and most manipulative are.

    SCENE WORK:
    Are successive scenes understandably related?
    Flawless.

    Do you describe only as much Action and Dialog as is necessary to drive the story forward?
    MAYBE too much reliance on “is” which pops up now and then where an action verb would better suit. Also, MAYBE a few too many Present Progressives where Simple Present would seem more immediate, but your action is so well-honed otherwise that they don’t really drag on the pace.

    CONFLICT:
    Is there identifiable conflict?
    Yes.

    Are the stakes explicit?
    Life and Death, can’t get much better.

    Is there a “ticking clock?”
    No, but the sense of remoteness may not accommodate the ticking clock in the first act.
    The Homecoming seems to be your ticking clock, and I can’t fault you for it, but it’s a pretty typical one. Again, as a genre flick maybe typical is what you want, but then again it will be nice to see this be a “false” ticking clock setting up a plot-twist that uses our genre expectations to surprise us.

    DIALOG:
    Do you avoid “talking heads” scenes?
    Well done.

    Do you use clichéd devices – telephones, psychiatrists, talking to one’s self?
    “eDevice” use seems germane and topically appropriate.

    STYLE:
    Does the writer have a unique style?
    Clean and concise. Doesn’t get in the way of the story. Very readable and professional.

    Does the writer adhere to CONCURRENT DISCLOSURE?
    Perhaps some intro and environmental setup is stated in action lines unnecessarily, but you do a good job of also cluing in the audience within a page (like professions, clique standings, etc.) Still, a real stickler might insist that you abandon the “information” passing in action altogether and just rely on the later exposition on screen.

    Are there a minimum of adjectives, adverbs, qualifiers and modifiers, and no conflicting, oxymoronic, or redundant descriptions?
    A few uses “slowly” which is one of my pet peeves, but again, the story is not bogged down by them.

    PLOT:
    Are all plot elements logical and credible?
    Great work. It would be even better if the protagonists somehow had a more of a hand in the developments.

    Do we know everything we need to know in these 20 pages to get to the INCITING INCIDENT that propels us into Act Two within the next ten pages?
    Seems very, very well set up.

    ***********************************
    p.21
    [HH] {
    {Jacquelyn, tied and gagged,} lays on her back near a
    campfire. Ropes {stretch} from each wrist and ankle to stakes in
    the ground {that anchor} deeply {bowed} trees {that ring} the
    clearing.
    }
    STYLE: Again, avoiding “is” and keeping it Simple Present tense heightens the drama of the read. Maybe not too important in “aftermath” scenes where you want some relief from helter-skelter action, but particularly in scenes where the tension demands to be kept high, Simple Present and Action Verbs are always best.

    p.22
    An open suitcase of name brand cosmetics {glimmer} on the other side
    of the fire.

    Jacquelyn strains her head to try to see [if it’s her captor
    or rescue].

    SHOW & TELL: Context makes the invisible [ ] redundant.

    {The} shadowy killer, wearing baggy jeans and a hoodie pullover
    with the hood up and over the face prevents the identity
    being revealed. [Of course.]

    ACTION: Definite Article, since we’ve seen him/her before. The [Of course.] tells me you’re trying to be cute and breaks the TONE altogether – I’d rather be engrossed in the story.

    The tree, no longer bound by the stake, straightens up –
    jerking Jacquelyn’s arm right out of the socket – WET POPPING
    SOUND OF JOINT RIPPING.

    Jacquelyn SCREAMS. Her upper body is partly raised, her arm
    pulled outward and out of it’s socket.
    {
    The bowed tree rips the stake out from the ground, jerks
    Jacquelyn’s arm from its socket with a WET POPPING
    SOUND .

    She SCREAMS – Her upper body raised by her arm.
    }
    ACTION: You’ve got a nice clean narrative style that doesn‘t need to be rushed in other scenes, but in these action scenes you really need to boil down to the shortest way of describing the immediacy of the moment if you want to enthrall the reader.

    The killer shakes their head.

    GRAMMAR: Okay, it’s a screenplay, and your protagonist’s gender is a necessary mystery, so it’s entirely your call but using “their” in this context kind of grates on my reading nerves – but of course I have two suggestions: 1) Use a “handle” for your killer that takes the place of a proper name, so you don’t need an article like “the” or “a/an” 2) Use ‘it’ both because it’s more grammatically correct, and also it will symbolically “dehumanize” your antagonist in a small way, and heighten the otherworldliness of the mystery identity:
    {
    Killer shakes its head.
    }
    [AT] CINEMA: Think LEATHER FACE of Texas Chain Saw Massacre, JASON of Friday The Thirteenth, FREDDY from the Nightmare On Elm Street films. They’ve got a name or “handle” and also something cinematically unique about them that makes for a good Halloween mask. Anyone can dress like the Unibomber, it’s tough to market, but if you had some unique mask or feature, it would serve both functions of “handle-as-name” in your writing, and add producer-marketing appeal. You don’t really need to go that far, either: A Tammy-Fay Baker mask? A pony-tailed cheerleader mask? Or maybe you want to go androgynous for purposes of you later reveal: A pig mask? A laughing or crying actor mask? Something that can be this potential serial character’s ‘trademark:’
    {
    Tammy-Fay shakes its head.
    }

    BTW: Nice bit about the dialog conveying the mouth injury without your having to describe it. But earlier, where you refer to her bruised head, consider making that a bruised face.

    SCENEWORK: Those technical issues aside, you’ve got a nice escalation of explicitness and reveal in your successive antagonist-centric scenes. Very professionally paced.

    p.24
    TYPO: Sulky Sue is {too} self absorbed to get it.

    SULKY SUE
    But it’s true, people want to be
    famous, hey, if we crack the case,
    my blog hits will go through the
    roof.

    STYLE: Very nice “call back” to your contemporary theme work. This is part of what makes your script fresh.

    p.25
    SULKY SUE
    I see you don’t do anything by
    halves.

    DIALOG: I can’t think of a better line, but this doesn’t quite rise to the quality of your other quips.

    p.28
    CHASE
    It takes more than make up to make
    someone hot. We have to figure out
    who’s doing this and stop them if
    we’re gonna have any hot chicks
    left in town.

    DIALOG: I like it. Funny and campy.

    p.30
    Mr. Turner {erases} the reproductive cycle of blood flukes
    {from} the board.

    INT. BIOLOGY CLASS – CONTINUOUS

    SCENEWORK: Okay, a great setting for this flick at this point, but what’s conveyed here is simply a symbolic reiteration of what we already know: Who the suspects are.
    I don’t see that it advances the story, particularly a point where I’m expecting a closer to act one in the form of a stated Central Challenge. I guess I’ll call act two here, since the development seems to be that three cliques are each taking on the investigation of who the killer is, but maybe there’s a more cinematic way of handling it? Consider intercutting the scenes of our protagonists, the cheerleaders, and the jocks as they each in turn 1) state the dilemma 2) conclude their particular needs to be the ones to investigate and 3) define their (at least preliminary) course of action. Pretty much what you’ve got, but just intercut and each closing with mirroring “mission statements” to establish their likely collision courses.
    Maybe you just need to be specific here. Are they all going to investigate the professor, or are they each going to investigate each other (a sort of “Outs” chase “Cheerleaders” chase “Jocks” who chase “Outs?”).

    ***********************************

    MILESTONE – End Of Act One:
    CENTRAL CHALLENGE: How has the central challenge been defined?
    Three cliques have decided to investigate the killer.

    INCITING INCIDENT: What event compels the protagonist to resolve the CENTRAL CHALLENGE?
    A little fuzzy here. Is finding a date for Jane the goal?
    Why is finding the killer important for the Outs?
    The Outs rationale, of the three, needs to be made most clear, because the other two cliques are comprised of the likely targets (cheerleaders) and the likely prime suspect (Chase, and maybe his buddies), so their motivations are both pretty clear.

    TRAJECTORY: What is the protagonist’s plan of action for resolving the CENTRAL CHALLENGE.
    The absence plan seems to be the only one raised, but Jane nixed that. We can infer that or another plan is brewing, but it would be best to state it by now.
    ***********************************
    p.31
    “He must have been pissed to
    be passed over, AGAIN.”

    SHOW & TELL: These might be new 2+2 elements for the characters, but the audience has been there, figured that. It’s necessary in any mystery to recap some clues and hypotheses, but I wonder if you need entire scenes (albeit short ones) to do so, and whether they each need to cover one hypothesis each. [HH] Consider how much (and how quickly) you can fold in all this info into the intercut setup I suggested earlier.

    p.32
    CHASE
    This going to take long, I have
    practise, remember? Homecoming game
    this Friday.

    TICKING CLOCK: Is there a way to tie homecoming into a sense of the ticking clock? There’s still no “fatal connotation” to the looming homecoming events.

    p.33
    OFFICER TODD
    Chase, you’re the big guy on a very
    small campus in a very small town,
    and that makes you a very small
    fish in the big world.

    CHASE
    What’s that supposed to mean?

    DIALOG: I see what you’re going for in this metaphor, but I had to ask the same question Chase did. SUGGESTIONS: You either want to go campy with this and make Officer Todd speak farcically (throughout) on the edge of reason, in which case you want to push this bit of metaphor mixing.
    FARCICAL TACK:
    {
    OFFICER TODD
    Chase, you’re the big fish on
    campus in a very small town,
    and that makes you a man
    out of water in a big pond.

    CHASE
    What’s that supposed to mean?
    }
    STRAIGHT TACK:
    {
    OFFICER TODD
    Chase, you’re the big man on
    campus in a very small town,
    but you’re still a kid in the
    real world.

    CHASE
    What’s that supposed to mean?
    }

    p.35
    Chase sits on the bench in a dirty football uniform as the
    LAST PLAYERS [are] head[ing] {to} the showers.

    CHASE
    I really appreciate that, Aja, but
    I can’t risk putting you in danger.
    I’m getting a bit of a complex as
    it is. The guys think it’s a crazy
    jealous girl.

    PLOT: It just rang a faint bell, but in order to make this even more credible, I think I might like to see Chase and Jane have one, more personal, interaction. Consider a scene where he’s nice and grateful for some tutoring help Jane’s given him, only to turn cool and aloof when his pals or the cheerleaders come up and tease him about Jane, and insult her in his presence. Show us his natural self, and his peer-needed self by having him fail to come to Jane‘s defense, or better yet try to defend her only to get verbally hammered and cowed by his peers. This would heighten Jane’s indignation, and motivation for revenge as well.

    AJA
    The homecoming committee hasn’t
    been able to replace Jacquelyn,
    either.

    DIALOG: Okay, I had to backtrack for a second, because it felt like the homecoming committee was somehow in the selection process for cheerleaders, so when Aja suggests afterward that the football guys join, I still think she’s talking about cheerleading. Consider a slight rephrase for clarity:
    {
    AJA
    No one’s been able to find a
    replacement for Jacquelyn on the
    homecoming committee either.
    . . .
    AJA
    I was thinking of joining it and
    was sorta hoping you and some of
    the football guys would too,
    {homecoming’s} for you guys in a
    way, you should have some say in it.
    }
    FURTHER: Replacing an “it” with “homecoming” in the next paragraph would help as well.

    p.40 & 41
    Officer Todd, are you here?

    DOWDY REDHEAD GIRL

    Do you have any leads?

    TYPOS: Dialog & Character Headings formatted as action lines.

    p.43 & 46
    One last thing, we were considering cancelling the Homecoming
    dance.

    Did you get hit with a ball when no one was looking?

    TYPOS: Action format.

    SCENEWORK: Okay, this bit of close scenework is working very nicely to highlight the parallel plans because I know exactly who‘s following whom, when, and why in a way that was fuzzy (at least for the “Outs“) before.
    PICKY-PICKY: However, I‘d like to see Mr. Turner do at least one suspicious thing on screen to confirm his candidacy for the killer, at least in the minds of his pursuers.

    ***********************************
    MILESTONE – Midpoint:
    TURNING POINT: What incident alters the course of the Protagonist’s drive to resolve the CENTRAL CHALLENGE?
    The three central cliques have a plan to zero in on the obvious suspect. This also serves to narrow the suspect field in the following acts to those unaccounted for in this one (I suspect this is a nice red-herring device, well done).

    OFF-THE-WALL (and Heavy Handed to boot): Probably the most left-field suggestion I’ve made is that you consider making Officer Todd constantly speak in mixed metaphor, for comic relief and as a symbol of the ineptitude of authority which so often colors teens perceptions of adult authority figures. However, Todd is a female and you‘re admirably writing forceful female roles, so consider this instead: Her male partner, Officer Sangha cold be the one who interjects and constantly tries to be intimidating, using his mixed metaphors and T.V.-detective-echoing phrases, and Todd needs to constantly step in and clarify and defuse the trouble he stirs.
    You’d also get in a little sex-bias humor: Perhaps the principal initially asks Sangha to address the assembled, which of course Sangha accepts, but Todd, knowing what a disaster that would be has to dissuade him by suggestion there’s more head-bashing opportunity if he pursues anyone leaving the assembly early.
    Okay, enough of my wild ideas. On with the critique.
    ***********************************

    p.46
    Mr. Turner’s house is [mildly] weatherbeaten {with} a gravel
    [front] lawn dotted with weeds. [There is] a cross shaped grave
    marker [near the front corner which] reads “The last dog to
    poop on my yard.”

    ACTION: Don’t mitigate the contrast, in fact make it shorter and punchier to heighten it.

    Mr. Turner gets out of his beat up older {model 2} door car.

    CLARITY: Consider {older-model two-door}. When I read the above I had to puzzle out what a “model 2” car was for a moment.

    CHASE
    Because I don’t think I should be
    slinking around town when the
    police are handling this. They’ve
    already questioned me.
    [HH] {
    A good place to mention adolescent feeling of adult (here, police) general ineptitude.
    }

    p.50
    Aja startles, but doesn’t make a sound. She turns and grins
    at him.

    ACTION: Consider a hand over the mouth as a false scare for the audience, anticipating on abduction.

    THWACK the 2 by 4 comes down on her head. She collapses.

    ACTION: Yes, I’m going to reiterate my feeling that the Tom/Aja interaction be a false scare to set up the relief that will precede the actual killer.

    SULKY SUE
    We’re playing a game someone just
    scream from down there.

    CLARITY: I think you mean:
    {
    SULKY SUE
    We’re playing a game, but someone
    just screamed from down there.
    }

    p.56
    PRINCIPAL TYLER
    If any more parent{s} decide to home
    study, we’re going to have to turn
    this place into a senior’s centre.

    TYPO: { }

    p.59
    MS. PHETT
    Can you honestly say he doesn’t?
    Lives in his mother’s house, never
    married, pass{ed} over for promotion,
    he has a hard time with women in
    authority roles. It’s rubber stamp
    classic.

    TYPO: { }

    PLAIN JANE
    We saw Tawnee, Gwen and Aja go
    around the house and I climbed down
    from the tree and followed them. I
    hear{d} someone following me, so I
    ran.

    TYPO: { }

    p.60
    OFFICER TODD
    No, she was thrown from the
    overpass onto the freeway in front
    Of {his truck}.

    CLARITY: { }

    Mr. Turner backs away, clutching his briefcase [close] to his
    chest.

    ORPHANS: I haven’t been pointing these out, because your script doesn’t need page reduction. Still, you’ve got quite a lot of orphans which tend, page after page, to degrade the otherwise professional appearance of your work. Not all orphans can be avoided, but many can with edits that also make for a cleaner pace like this one.

    p.63
    PLAIN JANE
    How exactly am I supposed to take
    It{?}

    ***********************************
    MILESTONE – End Of Act Two:
    FATAL INCIDENT: What course of action has taken the Protagonist to his/her lowest point yet?

    Are things as dire as they can possibly get?

    FORMAT: A ponderous number of orphans (single word carry-overs that take up an entire line) in action lines probably add up to more than one page’s worth over the length of your script. A few orphans are fine, but particularly from my review of scripts in the WGA library, I see very few in professional spec screenplays. Not the first consideration when writing, but worthy of attention as you approach what is obviously your final, or near-final polish.

    ***********************************

    p.68
    He opens the cabinet, there are bottles of chemical{s},

    TYPO {}

    The Acids shelf is missing the hydrochloric acid.

    CHASE
    The hydrochloric acid’s gone.

    STYLE: This reads redundantly. Consider:
    {
    The Acids shelf has an empty space.

    CHASE
    The hydrochloric acid’s gone.
    }

    STEVE
    The cops said that body parts are
    taken, the killer’s taking
    trophies. Don’t you {watch} cop tv
    shows?

    TYPO {}

    P.70
    They look around {for} a tool.

    TYPO {}

    PLOT: I’m not so sure that returning to Turner’s place is a satifying development, unless authority figures reproach the kids for going, yet they maintain that they “saw something” worth investigating, a something which the authority figures then “poo-poo.” Here, you have this investigation on the heels of the missing acids discovery, and that location would have been a great place for a “false attack” which turns out simply to be a teacher/principal who admonishes them and rejects their claims.
    CHARACTER: I respect your need to “choreograph” your canon fodder, but I’d still like to se the impetus for the jock’s adventures come, in some way, from your protagonists Sulky Sue and Plain Jane.
    Maybe something as simple as the jocks getting caught, but Sue and Jane there to overhear what’s going on, and deciding to investigate themselves. Also, it would set up another false scare as the boys, now free of their chastisement, go to investigate as well, and collide with Jane and Sue.

    p.83
    GWEN
    What was that? Chase?

    PLOT: Yes, harkening back, I’m missing an act one “connection” between Chase and Jane, if even on an academic basis.

    p.88
    You don{‘}t have to stay.

    TYPO: { }

    p.90
    MARTHA
    What’s this about? Her room? Is
    Jane okay? Sue, is that you?

    CHARACTER: This is a third-act introduction of a character. True, she’s not (I imagine) the antagonist, nor another deus-ex-machina device, but some small appearance in an earlier act is good form, especially if it affords us a window on Jane we can “call back” in the coming scenes.
    FURTHER: Some, not-quite-right quirk of Martha’s would serve to give us the seed of Jane’s psychological problems. Maybe she herself is obsessed with high-school memories, or the whole house is too “doll like.” A simple thing like Jane’s room door has been removed, so we know there’s no place where Jane has any privacy.

    p.91
    Sully Sue looks around, her eyes fall on a large unicorn
    stuffed toy.

    CHARACTER: A this age, friendship and loyalty are much more important than “justice.” I’d rather see Sue try to hide this, fearing it will incriminate her friend, then have Todd notice and find the evidence, all the while Sue is protesting this must not be true (Even if it turns out later that Sue is the killer, we’ll “call back” to this scene and believe Sue purposely got caught trying to conceal the evidence).

    p.95
    He looks back, there’s a fairly worn trail, [easily run along.]

    CLARITY: Awkward, and I don’ think you need it.

    PLAIN JANE
    Now Chase, you don’t think I can
    trust you, know that {you} know it was
    me.

    TYPO: { }

    p.96
    Plain Jane doesn’t seen the trail’s abrupt end.

    Chase creeps to the edge, it’s too dark to see.

    CLARITY: I had to read back after Chase said she’d gone into the ravine. This is not at all cinematic. Even if it’s a “false demise” the audience needs to see something to lead to a definitive (if false) conclusion. Maybe a trailing scream? The weapons bouncing off rocks in the ravine, a flicker of white garment dangling over the ravine from a branch?

    CHASE
    Bottom of the bluff, she came for
    me, and {I tried her into chase me
    over the bluff.}

    CLARITY: Messed-up!

    p.97
    OFFICER TODD
    Too big a drop to survive. Keep
    searching.

    Fade out.

    ***********************************
    MILESTONE – Act Three:
    How does the protagonist re-commit to resolving the final conflict?
    Nice staging of her Cheerleading to resurrect the homecoming game as the
    In a sense, prom-night is the continuation of the final battle ground for Chase’s heart as your protagonist-turn antagonist continues that battle onto the movie’s opening stage: Lover’s Lane – nice “call back.”

    What is the protagonist’s arc?
    She’s discovered to be the killer by the target of her affections. Her plan then degenerates in to revenge stalking to finish the movie on a chase (apropos of her would-be boyfriend’s name, nice work).

    What is the final conflict?
    An ambiguous and abrupt end with not quite enough symbolic punch to bring it up to the level of the preceding acts.

    How has the winner overcome the loser?
    Chase is the nominal “winner” but the protagonist’s presumed escape, to prey another day, is her ultimate win. I’d like some time spent on her demise. Maybe hanging from the precipice by her make-up bag raining cosmetics on her until she’s forced to let go. Maybe whacking Chase over the head, having him wake up to Jane going Tammy-Fay overboard with her makeup, machete and axe nearby, delusional in her mutterings about how she doesn’t have her makeup quit the way Chase likes it yet, the way Chantal used to wear it.

    How have the actions of the protagonist changed other characters?
    Well, she’s killed a lot of them, but while Chase seems to undergo a transformation, he never really quite pegs Chantal’s and the other girl’s, murders to that transformation explicitly enough (almost, but not quite).
    You don’t need much more, just to nail down that final sense of irony that Jane is the catalyst for transforming a make-out driven boy into a sober and forward-thinking man.

    ***********************************

    Conclusion —
    Some “false scare” and tension heightening opportunities could be better utilized as the capper to scenes, like the beat-up car being parked across the street, kids being discovered in their investigations more often (perhaps once per clique?)
    Further along that line, I think that the discovery of body remnants at Turners house could have been more cinematically done. Why not show body parts and gore – then the escape into the killer’s arms, which turns out to be a friend or neighborhood patrolman.
    SETUPS: You’ve got a really good script with lots of potential for false-lead and false-scare setups that are very underutilized.
    – Officer Todd, wearing a hoodie at home, surfing Sue’s Blog.
    Sue’s Blog, often mention is never seen. Okay, blogs aren’t cinematic, but people gathered around computers and commenting on them is.
    – Bloggies, that cross the line from blog spectators to checking out, and perhaps interfering with the several clique investigations.
    NON-RECURRING VISUAL ELEMENTS: The car, the makeup cases (one of which could resemble Turner’s case for a good false-lead), the hoodie, golf clubs (even better if the clubs could replace the “convenient” two-by-fours at turner’s house). Stuffed unicorns, princess motif of Jane’s room.
    POTENTIAL RECURRING ELEMENTS: Push-Up bras, what if Jane, instead of wash-day bra were wearing the same bra the cheerleader wore? Pony tails, team colors, etc. Cinematic elements which you can use for clues and false leads.
    HUMOR: I suggested Sangha’s comically macho quirk, but also think of Sue’s goth humor: She could sell “I survived the clique-killer” T-Shirts on her blog, think of more goth quips, they were funny.
    FINALLY: Think of some cinematic staple, besides the hoodie, that can be iconically yours.

    Ken Mora 10/22/2006

    Like

  10. dykewriter says:

    Killer Clique critique

    First Impression:

    Okay Nina it’s obvious you understand screenwriting mechanics so far your
    work is very clean. My eyes move down the page quickly. I am glad to see
    that when you write action you use the characters name often so there is
    no confusion about who is doing what. I do the same.

    This one has summertime teenager flick written all over it and reads very
    much like just that. I am guessing that is what you where going for here.
    You set it up very nicely. Had me guessing who the killer was throughout.
    Very creative with you killer scenes, I found myself wincing at the
    thought of being drawn and quarter and being hung and slammed into by a
    semi truck.

    I was a bit disappointed with your ending. I felt you left us cold. No
    idea if Plain Jane is still alive. I thought for sure she would show up
    one more time swinging a bloody hatchet at Chase during the search for
    her the next day.

    As I read:

    page 3. I know Chantal is going to die.

    page 5. I’m guessing the killer is Plain Jane McCormack but that may be
    what you want us to think too early to tell.

    Page 7. Or the principle did it.

    page 9. Okay could be Tawni or Steve. Nice job so far. Lots of suspects

    page 12. Killer cut off Chantels breasts nice touch.

    page 16. We can add Mr. Turner to the line up.

    page 23. Very nice dismemberment of Jaqcuelyn. I had to wince at her pain
    when the rope let go and her arm pop out of the socket. Very nice job
    here.

    page 26. Okay I think Sulky Sue is setting up Plain Jane.

    page 40. Plain Jane and Sulky Sue are beginning to remind me of
    Peppermint Patty and her side kick Marcie from the peanuts gang. Just a
    mental note here.

    page 47. Turner’s car wouldn’t have a key fob. It’s late model. He seems
    too cheap to own one.

    page 56. Aja’s death scene excellent job. I could see the audience squirm
    in their theater seats at this one.

    page 59. Okay now I think it’s Ms. Phett. She also fits the profile in
    reverse.

    page 72. Turner cracks but I don’t believe he did it. He was inside his
    house chucking darts at Ms. Fetts picture.

    Page 76. SPORTS MONTAGE – Ball is hiked to Chase, Nina, Chase is a
    quarter back. He probably wouldn’t receive the kick off but in high
    school football he could also be a running back so it’s possible.

    From page 76 on to the end you basically show us who the killer is and
    her motive. I guessed Plain Jane right away as per her crush on Chase.
    Hey if you knock off the competition eventually you get your shot. I had
    planned to do this myself in the last screenplay competition I entered
    but there was just too many contestants. ;o)

    Characters:

    All believable enough. This one doesn’t really have character arc
    anywhere but it’s a slasher flick about teenagers so I guess it’s not
    supposed to.

    Technical:

    I could only find a few instances of error. One or two misspellings and a
    few dialog errors which I was able to decipher myself so no biggy. I
    really suck in this department so I cannot help you technically but you
    don’t seem to need any help here either.

    Story:

    Could you improve this story? I think so but this is your baby not mine.
    If I can figure out who the killer is by page 5 then I know you can twist
    this baby into a ” WHOLLY F___KING SHIT NO WAY!” flick. You had my mind
    going several different direction through out. Story after story came out
    of each character that I thought might be guilty. Ms. Fett could have had
    a history in high school as an ugly duckling, always picked on by the
    cheerleading squad. You could have given her a great motive. Also Police
    officer Todd, who you did describe as butch, could have had a motive of
    being after young girls and always rejected. I my book the cops are
    always guilty even when they are trying to solve a case.

    General comments:

    Altogether a really good job on this summer slasher flick but very linear.

    Steve Kal Sherman 10/17/2006

    Like

  11. dykewriter says:

    I like the fact that this script is not really an attempt to either satirize or out-horror the horror genre, because that has truly been done to death. What you’ve got here is a very revisionist/minimalist horror, where there is less of a mystical nature surrounding the nature of the deaths and the killer, which, along with the varied means of death, keeps the audience guessing. In all honesty this felt more like a Carrie than a Scream, without falling into the pitfalls of either film. The only suggestion/criticism I have of it is that the ending seemed a little bit too rushed, and that all the dynamic tension between Jane, Sue and Chase is kinda wasted, as all it takes to beat her is to trick her into falling over a cliff. Again, goes well with the minimalism, but isn’t hugely satisfying. Even if she’s supposed to be sympathetic, Jane really doesn’t get the death she deserves, and that’s something I think you should really work on.

    On the subject of Jane, (not a complaint, just a little background in case,) I kinda always knew it would be her, even before all the big coincidences, because I’d already seen her character in two places (ignore if you’re a spoiler-phobe):-

    * The Faculty – Not that I’d accuse you of plaigerism, but the whole Sulky Sue and Plain Jane thing, plus Jane being the villain via climactic plot twist, appears prominently in this film, with Stokely being the Sue character and Marybeth being Jane, who of course turns out to be the alien queen in charge of a body-snatching invasion.

    * Identity Crisis (DC Comics) – A series of murders occurs in the superhero community that drags up past demons and sees several heroes lose loved ones, the twist being that the real culprit was not a supervillain but Jean Loring, the ex-wife of The Atom, who faked an attempt on her own life, (which the Atom managed to save her from,) and used the resulting trauma and grief of the heroes to renew a relationship with her husband. She justified her actions as being with intention of making the other heroes get closer to each other and that the deaths she caused were accidental. The Atom has her commited.

    My advice would be to show more of not-so-plain-anymore Jane towards the climax. She’s your villain; use her. Show her insane side a little more; have her trying to emulate the very girls she killed in order to suplicate Chase. And she has to be pretty strong to have moved the girls around herself, even with an old beater to drive; make her a physical threat. And above all, if you’re going to kill her off, make the most of it, because you can’t bring her back for more.

    These things in mind, the ending could use a little extra work, but that asides, you have a great script. It has a great structure and flow, the dialogue pops and doesn’t sound stereotypical or fake, the characters are fun spins on decades old archetypes, and the unravelling plot has plenty to keep anyone amused. A very good all-round horror script.

    Adam Ragg 10/15/2006

    Like

  12. dykewriter says:

    Killer Clique

    I enjoyed this read. It was fairly quick and all made sense. It was well thought out described, especially considering there were many characters. I took notes as I read and listed them below. They are all small things that I noticed. Don’t let the number fool you.

    On p.2 I was confused by Chase’s actions. When it says he heads to the forest, took that as he was following Chantal. It seems like he was going home.

    Sulky Sue and Plain Jane’s names seem like they would be fine as Sue and Jane. They are main characters whose characteristics we will remember through the entire script.

    Tawnee talking about homecoming is humorous, but unbelievable for the day kids find out that a fellow student has died.

    Mr. Turner’s introduction could use the identification that he is a teacher.

    I liked that Plain Jane talked back to Mr. Turner. It gave her some character and a backbone at the same time.

    After some of the violence in school it seems like school would be closed.

    Dildos and penis gags on p. 22 was a shocker. I was surprised more by the change in content from what had previously taken place.

    Plain Jane gets talked pretty easily into looking for the killer. After reading the entire script I can see why, but at the time I was surprised.

    We don’t really see Chase get hassled by media or too much by the cops, yet he hides in the bushes twice. Maybe showing him getting harassed more would make his hiding payoff.

    I liked the cross over between the students reading the profile of a killer. It was well written and engaging.

    Page 41 has some format issues. Booing is a character and Dowdy Redhead character heading is off center.

    The fact that it was too late to reschedule a small time football game seems a bit unrealistic.

    Mr. Turner’s intelligence seems to be lacking when he tries to dissolve the body. It serves as taking the focus away from the real killer, but he doesn’t seem to be too sorry or emotional about it.

    It seems like Chase is double-talking on page 85. He says it will take over a week to get over Chantal, but early I thought he was putting it to Jacquelyn.

    Possibly Sulky Sue could verbalize why she went to the unicorn rather that stumbling onto the Velcro seam.

    I like Sulky Sue’s obsession with her blog and the payoff that officer Todd reads it.

    The banter between Chase and Plain Jane seems a little campy. It pulled me away from the suspense of the chase.

    I liked the flip flop of Chase and Plain Jane’s story and the cops discovering Plain Jane was guilty.

    The ending was very abrupt. We move from bloody Chase needing help to fade out in a quarter of a page. I’m not sure what I expected other than a little more story.

    As I said I did like the read. In summary, I think that the biggest gain in the script would be to balance the humor with realism. My first script was a drama that contained the death of two high school students. I had lot of comments came back to me saying that there wasn’t enough emotion evident in the student body. I know a change to the thriller/horror genre doesn’t leave much time for mourning, but a lot of times it felt like some characters didn’t seem to be affected much at all. I did like the humor here and in most scripts. I just felt the level of humor and small role of emotions left more of an old school slasher with a low body count.

    The writing was good. There were a couple of typos and a decent amount of descriptions describing looks. I have noticed in my own work that I put a bunch of he looks/she looks into them and then have to go back through and cut some out. I thought Plain Jane might be the killer around page 78 if that helps you.

    The story played out fine. I thought maybe a change to a weekend could up the stakes a bit. This may also cut out the fact that kids are dying and still going to school. I hope that these comments are helpful. Good luck with your script.

    Jonathan M Phillips 11/04/2006

    Like

  13. dykewriter says:

    Script Report – Carl Pickard

    Killer Clique by Nina Tryggvason

    Full screenplay – 97 pages – Horror (teen-slasher)

    In a High school, somewhere in the English speaking world (USA?), a hooded figure is killing off cheerleaders. The first of these is Chantal, who has been ‘making out’ with local jock Chase in a lovers lane. When the news breaks the next day, there is obvious shock amongst the staff, students and the community, yet there is a bitchiness amongst the girls who fall into two camps; the cheerleaders, including Jacquelyn, Gwen, Tawnee, and the not-so-pretty girls, led by ‘Plain Jane’ and ‘Sulky Sue’- We are also introduced to their male counterparts; Tom, Doug and Steve. With Chantal out the way, and with suspicion already falling on Chase, it is not long before other girls start to make a move on him, inspite of his girlfriend’s recent demise. The degree of the horror of the murder is exposed when Chantal’s breasts are found in a jar in her locker. Students, staff and police all discuss the ‘profile’ of such a killer, and in this sense suspicion falls on a teacher, Mr Turner.
    As more girls are knocked off (usually after ‘relations’ of some kind with Chase), and more body parts are found (an arm), suspicion continues to build on Turner until the kids decide to check out his house. Here Aja gets killed, and for the first time, a male, Tom. The police grill Turner and he confesses to finding Aja’s body, and deciding to dissolve it in acid. Eventually he confesses to the murders.
    With the killer supposedly caught, the school can go ahead with a football game and the Homecoming. With so many of the cheerleaders dead, ‘Plain Jane’ gets her chance to ‘make-out’ with Chase at the spot where Chantal died, while at the same time the police begin, along with Sulky Sue, to think that Turner might not be the man. As fingers are found in Jane’s bedroom, the make-out with Chase goes all wrong, and we learn that she is the killer. After a struggle with Chase, she goes over a cliff edge…

    Killer Clique is an attempt at a variation on the standard High-School slasher movie, which while brave in trying to create a male protagonist and female antagonist, falls mainly through its inability to understand the mechanism of the genre. For this type of film to not come across as misanthropic or misogynistic, where females are the victims of hideous graphic murders, it requires a female protagonist survivor. With Chase as the protagonist, as far as there is one, totally undermines this concept, particularly as he is neither moral nor charismatic. If anyone deserves to ‘get it in the neck’ it is he; within a week of Chantal’s death, he has either slept with or ‘made-out’ with three other females. Equally, there is no sense or either culmination or resolution due to the bizarre ending in which the script ends; Jane is over the edge, but does this mean that she is dead or not? Does this ending give the suggestion that ‘Killer Clique 2’ is being planned? The writer seems to be either ignoring the central premise of this type of sub-genre, the fundamental psychological principles that allow it to exist, or the moral and genre conventions that can be manipulated and not broken, as well as underestimating the genre-savvy of the intended audience. For a writer with such a ‘bio’, this seems a major oversight.

    However, the script may not be totally without merit if taken under the wing of the right producer, for limited if no cinematic release and the straight to DVD horror market. Structurally the script is relatively sound, the major flaw being the choice of pro/antagonist. But most no to low budget directors would probably be able to piece together a script of this quality. As a horror film, the deaths, or ‘terror’ are well done and horribly graphic, but this obviously has to be combined with the right moral choices to not become voyeuristically masochistic.
    There is very little unease or tension, with plot overriding character. The dialogue is pretty good, and there is a degree of differential between the females, particularly between the cheerleaders and other girls, but the lads all seem the same. Exposition is done well, even if continual debate about whether or not the game and homecoming events should continue is a little tedious.
    There is very little arc to Chase; is the reason he doesn’t ‘do it’ with Jane at the end because she is getting heavy about the future or because she’s ‘plain’? While Jane obviously hates the cheerleaders for being pretty and possibly loose, more could be made about her attraction to Chase. With the former in mind, more can be made of the ‘reason’ that body parts are removed. While the questions of ‘who is the killer?’ and ‘who is next’ are active, this is more due to the conventions of the genre than the quality of the script. There are plants that don’t pay-off; what’s the ‘self-defence’ scene all about? There is no apparent logical relationship from the police thinking they have their man with Turner, to investigating Jane, it just ‘jumps’. Equally, Turner ‘dissolving’ Aja’s body does not seem plausible and seems merely a weak but convenient method to put the blame on him.

    Suggestions/Considerations –

    • Kill Chase; he doesn’t deserve to live! If he does, he shouldn’t be making out with anyone at the end-
    • Make Sulky Sue the surviving female, but she becomes the protagonist
    • Look at the morality of Halloween, Urban Legend, Scream, Ginger Snaps, Drop Dead Gorgeous – There are lots of slasher scripts out there, make sure yours is distinctive, original, understands the conventions, and has depth and resonance – Compare the original Nightmare, Friday 13th, with later sequels – Its not just about killing people, or them seen to be killed, we need to be shit scared in between the deaths as well
    • Increase the humour, and irony, or get rid of it –
    • Give the school a location; are 17 year olds in Vancouver, California, Kentucky or Wales all the same? – Are there really only 100 students?
    • Watch typos and line layout, and is it wise to confess to it being a ‘rough draft’?

    CARL A PICKARD 10/10/2006

    Like

  14. Pingback: FanFic: Heathers 2 | Nina's Soap Bubble Box

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