One of the reasons why I have struggled during recovery has been recognizing myself.
My eyes have always been grey with a brown corona around the black lens and streaks of green, brown, violet and blue through the cornea.
Expressive with genuine smile krinkles at the corners. Smoky to steely gazes.
But 2 years ago, they changed.
the streaks morphed into clouds and my eyes looked like nebula
as if the universe I once saw in head had shifted off axis. which given my automated suppression of emotions, makes sense
my world has gone off axis
In any event, with the return of my higher vocal tones and being better able to breath, I have made myself look in the mirror more often and I am starting to recognize myself in my new shape.
This photo is from spring 2012 and my eyes show the cloudiness.
I haven;t been able to document this eye transformation effectively.
But I remember reading that the complexity of your eyes reflects intelligence and I think my eyes have changed with my intelligence – the focus
now that I have been scoping down from quantum mechanics and the earth globally
down to human history towards regaining a regional geographic focus
reaching out to my wider previous social network and creating new friends online
today, I looked in the mirror and my eyes weren’t cloudy
the colour streaks are gone though and they are grey with white… not streaks but almost like a scaffold framework where the colours used to be
I also wonder about if that is connected to my improved ability to perceive colours in the environment.
My active and out of control for many years diabetes has surprisingly not taken that big a toll on my eyes, my glasses prescription hasn’t changed in a decade, although I find it hard to read small print or very close up. so much for seeing near….
I have noticed for many years a correlation between the complexity of a person’s eyes with their intelligence.
But intelligence is mostly a potential and like muscles, you have to use it or lose it.
So continual learning and curiosity means intelligence increases over time with greater understanding of wider concepts and drilled down to details in areas of interest
I have realized something that’s made me really happy.
Something that’s making me willing and wanting to meet new people.
They haven’t heard all my funny and interesting stories of adventures, so every conversation I have had, gets to reset.
the more I repeat my old party stories, the more my sense of mannerism and personality are coming back.
it’s just hard to separate the facts from the emotional value and time period context.
sort of sneak in and avoid triggering unpleasant memories and get the gold nuggets of memory
which also has the bonus impact of being a reminder that life has not always been the way it’s felt for the last 5 years.