Part of why I am having a hard time recognizing myself is that my eyes have changed.
I used to have grey eyes with streaks of other colours, blue, green, brown.
My eye have become cloudy and the streaks are more like blurred brush strokes of colour or clouds
I stopped being able to see colours cleary and everything became a muted grey or dull tones of colour.
As I have more time without negative and unwanted behaviours and comments – and away from the day to day battle. I only have to cope with quarterly now.
I have been able to see more colour tones and more colours generally. as well as vibrancy.
I am able to assign sounds their proper place in the sound scape – ambient, local environment, farther away – but still all background and nothing that needs to be paid attention to.
Part of the fight or flight standing down. I am almost convinced that I don’t have to listen for dangers. It remains difficult to turn off the threat and risk assessments surveillance habits and the triage protocols remain in tact and functioning at all levels.
I am exhausted from the constant hyper vigilance and bored from the lack of a stimulating environment.
My castle sanctuary now my prison
I feel like a tribble. starving in a hall of plenty
I don’t know who I am looking at in the mirror
vampires don’t reflect in lore
silvered mirror reflect in fact
my eyes as blank as my mind
erratic glints or fading sparks