Vancouver Meditations



Agoraphobic Diary – June 6 2013

went to Vancouver with my Mom for a doctor appointment.

today was the first day that conversations with people in person felt completed and emotionally complete.

in that the emotions that I projected with met with compatible and contextually correct responses

the catatonic shock seems to be wearing off and I have gained new facial expressions today

so Tomorrow. I think I am going to make a practise video for the story I will tell on Ellen’s show.

I did the Oprah show fantasy already and I have been struggling with the Ellen story, because that is one I do want to share.

framing the story, helps put it into perspective

which makes it cope-able

instead of focusing on the who did what or details or even big events

to just compress it

I fought a federal department to a standstill and I am guessing the cost to be $3 million

is probably too little and so it’s really about scoping it down to a story

that I can tell

that I can get through the telling with enough emotion

but not so much that that expression is at a cost of my dignity.

because that is tattered, I can tell you fer shooore.



I don’t think I want to add any more

gonna go back and watch the Xena – Gabby in India story arc

it’s weird to remember when they were the only queer couple on TV and that story line was hugely controversial since Krishna gives his blessing to their couple status

seriously… I don’t understand people who allow our instinctive xenophobia to compress with beliefs and turn that into discriminatory behaviors and hurtful words

we are all entitled to opinions

but being bothered that there are people who are different than you

is not a valid world view

nor is considering your demographic to be supreme above all others

that’s not equality


America seriously talking to you now.

equal but different didn’t work out for non-white people already

it’s not going to work for queers

stop fighting a battle for social supremacy that you have already lost

white people are not the majority around the globe

and are not going to be in the US very soon

so if you look around where you live and you only see white people

you are living in a ghetto driven by your reservation to work and play well with others


I guess I did have something else to say

but Nora’s barking (Nicky’s already inside chaise tubering)

so laters Facebook

(insert Xena war cry here…. hmmm. I could learn how to do that….)


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