Food – cravings and rewards

The Scientific American Food Issue (sept 2013) had an interesting article about rats eating themselves to death.

The rats were given their regular food but also a choice of high fat foods like sausage, cheesecake and chocolate.

The rats ignored the healthy foods in favour of the higher reward foods and became obese and died.


High fat/calorie foods are relatively rare naturally so scarcity makes animals seek them out as a opportunistic treat as part of a varied diet.

These reward foods act on the brain much like addition.



So it kinda makes sense in a world where so little is actually fulfilling and satisfying that humans seek instant gratification and rewards a we can, even to our actual detriment.


see also

Brains, Sense of Self, Coma Patients and Intentions

Our Brain Reward System

A heart, a brain and a life

Genetics and Choices

science says: meditation and sex is the same to your brain……

Human Brains are shrinking


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This is Your Brain on Depression

A discussion that I am having with my therapist is depression and sensory data.

She is not convinced by me so far.


What I have observed from the chronic depression that I have lived with since my teen years and from my discussions with a range of women with a range of diagnosed conditions.


Severely depressed women see in black and white, greys and muted colours.


We do know this from diagnosing the mental health of painters by their colour palette choices – but also by what colours they could actual see due to the chemical exposure to the minerals and chemical preparations which are the tools of their crafts.


There is an established link between illness of body and now the mind owing to chemical toxic exposures.

I have been intentionally switching between film technology – black and white programs, with colour, techicolor – and switching from VHS, DVD o Blu Ray to stimulate my brains ability to perceive colour – saturation and opacity.


I grew up watching a black and white tv and learned how to associate colours with the greyscale.

And, in painting, Eastern Painting, there is the concept of 7 shades of black.

Which makes sense as the negative prism of white to rainbow….


Anyway, I was outside pacing on the balcony to get some outside air and walk without my glasses on to relieve the eyestrain of screentainment.


I was thinking about the brain and how it’s layered in humans, that lizard, ape, human brain thing.

About how blind people have blindsight – that lizard brain is still processing data input of extreme contrast….


perhaps perhaps perhaps


because depression is unable to see a future – which is the forecasting planning part


maybe it’s as you lose a sense of humanity and personhood

you use less of your brain


to perceive others

to perceive their perceptions of you

to perceive you

to plan to problem solve to plan


that’s why there’s less colour to be seen, less sensory data taken in


double processed or miss process through other sensory inputs



or misbalancing all that there is



at least that’s a new level and something novel to consider…



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NEW VLOG! “Like the difference between eating a biscuit and a delicious gateau.”

Originally posted on purplepersuasion:

People often asked me how I know when I am hypomanic. How do I distinguish between normal happiness and something more pathological? It can be a difficult question to answer, especially as everyone’s experience will be a little different.

Last Friday I was feeling very hypomanic, so I recorded my thoughts….

View original

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Conceptualizing: Emotional Intelligence

One of the big workshop buzz concepts is “emotional intelligence”


the first time I heard this phrase was in relationship to George W. Bush or “Bush the Lesser” as I prefer to think of him.


It was in a apologetics style article explaining that he wasn’t book smart or street smart, but he was smart about other people’s emotions.


so basically…. being emotionally intelligent is a measure of being able to manipulate people.


Being empathetic means being able to understand other people’s feelings and has an emotionally loaded value of being positive.

Manipulating people also means you have to understand their emotions yet it carries a negative loaded value of being negative.


the negative and positive is not arising from being able to understand other peoples emotions, but is a value conclusion based on the outcome of what one does and why to others emotionally.


at the essential level, they are the same thing.



anyway, it wasn’t long before the term slipped into workshop jargon and fads were born.






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Today was Nora Day

Dear Agoraphobic Diary for Sept 27, 2010


Today I spent the day with my golden girl, Nora.

She will be 10 on October 1, 2014; answering my anxiety about who would survive who the dog edition.


It took a long time to see the puppy in the dog. It took seeing cats.


I had a rush of relief when I realized – when I remembered – the warning in the Golden Retrievers for Dummies book about not getting sibling because then, their primary bond remains to animals and not humans.

Seems to me, it was a good decision to have the pair of them with an animal to animal connection and their secondary to be to humans.


Anyway. Today was Nora day and I took somewhere between 350 and 500 photos. I love the digital check and chuck photography that makes shooting cost effective,

I played Fallout 3 with her at my feet and eventually on my lap.

The warm fuzzy feeling of those cuddle chemicals.

Anyway. Today was Nora Day.






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Modesty: Oppressed vs consentual discrimination

being a nun is a job, therefore the outfit is a uniform and accepting conditions of employmentthe other is a woman who is being dictated to in terms of how she must behave – modestly – and how to ensure that there is an appearance

culturing norming makes it normal so it is not a choice

is a the result of being in a closed community by accident of birth

furthermore broadcasting modesty with what amounts to accessories is not modest, it’s prideful bragging
also, given the tradition across cultures of priestess being sexual – temple hookers – Get Thee to a Nunnery is a double entendre after all, eh?
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Where is Godzilla when we need him?

Japan has had more earthquakes near the Fuking reactor.


Godzilla 1 Godzilla 2 godzilla sizes

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Conceptualizing: Employee vs Position

There is a constant refrain in politics and business that you have to pay top dollar and benefits to attract top talent.

because capitolismWhich makes me wonder a few things.

1. At what salary or qualification point is it the person, rather than the position?

2. At what salary or position level does it become acceptable to have average or even sub average talent or skill then?

3. When are people reduced to interchangeable – given that even the so called top position attract so called top talent in a series…


I don’t recall the specific context that I heard this joke; it was either a high ranked manager or a workshop leader who told it.


An incoming CEO arrives at his new office. There are three envelopes on the desk.


He opens the top one and it’s from the last CEO.


It says to put the other 2 envelopes in the drawer until this advice runs out.


For the first six months, you blame everything on me.


The second envelope was later opened.

(check back later, I can’t recall what this one was; it was a point, but overall immaterial to the punchline)



The third envelope:


Prepare three envelopes.




there is another joke that I can remember about corporate culture.


If you put 5 chimps in a cage,

suspend a banana in the ceiling roof – but every time the chimps try to get it

you hose them with water


once they are conditioned


you switch out one chimp


when you put the banana

the new chimp will naturally attempt to get it


however, the other 4 – fearing the water – will stop it


switch another of the remaining 4 chimps


repeat until none of the original 5 chimps remain


but you will still have a cage of chimps who attack each other, rather than work together for the banana- even though, none of them were hosed with water.


just conditioned to respond, eh?



see also


How is the greater good served by sacrificing individuals?


When the line becomes dotted and dashed


Nina is too smart to work for government after 13 years of technically doing just that


Canada’s PM Stephen Harper owes Nina Tryggvason $50


And if your government isn’t working for you….


Workplace Violence


Collective Psychological Wellness


Stress Kills


Does the West Envy the East?


High Cost


Globally Competitive


Rethinking Capitalism


When did Drivers become the New Smokers?


Public Service and Taxpayers


What’s a pension worth?


Security vs the Appearance of


Worker’s Entitlement v Management Treatment

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Space Race: India to Mars!

Russia was first with sputnik and Uri Gregarin

America was first to and on the Moon with a Rover on Mars

China, well, actually, there was a Chinese Emperor who tried to launch into orbit in a chair, but I am pretty sure that he exploded on the launch pad or at least, didn’t return in a meaningful piece.


China did get to the Moon last year and India has skipped that step entirely and gone to Mars.


Putting an Orbital into play should provide interesting data about the planetary systems that the rover has taught us so much about.










there is really no excuse for anyone to be deemed legally untouchable or socially so


we have the means to feed the world, it’s more a matter of distribution and maximizing contributions


what stands in the way of a better world, is all these petty warlord leaders at the various nation level


if not actual warlords in a pre-industrial realm, then an elected would be one.


I can’t remember who it was who said of television that now part of the world can gorge on food while watching the other parts starve, live and in colour.



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Celebrating Banned Book Week: Little Sister’s Art & Book Emporium tribute

Banned Book WeekI own a lot of books that were banned – some of them historically banned and now deemed literature.


But most of them are in fact porn or erotica collections that I bought every time I walked into Little Sister’s with an extra $40 in my pocket.



I knew I would gonna buy a book, that it was going to be in that store and that store only and the only placed I looked was the humour section for any comic strip collection at all.

But mostly, it was on the shelf labeled “Banned by Canada Customs”


One time, Janine Fuller made fun of me for buying the Complete Wendel and other gay male oriented books. There seemed to be a weird male-female divide that I never mastered.


Most of my experience with Little Sister’s was like anyone else’s could be – as a walk in the door customer. One time I brought a straight pal who was completely blown away that she actually stood in the entranceway and spoke loud enough for the store to go quite as a Debbie Boone Good Two Shoes Looking girl said “Why do you need a whole bookstore instead of just a section in a bookstore?”


These was the days before Little Sister’s – like Madwimmin books in Dyke’s To Watch Out For – carried a wide selection of sexual toys.


I explained this was a bookstore that catered to a demographic clientele – and look – there was fiction, travel, comics, science fiction and all the mainstream genres – authors you will never see or have heard of in mainstream book stores.


Anyway, anyone in Chapters now sees a shelf with gender studies/LGBTQ studies


Etecerta in my best King and I. Yul Brenner King Baby


But my connection with Little Sister’s is deeper – and not only when they were so often party of the news that was covered by Angles and Xtra! West, that I wrote for journalistically for both and editorially in the former.


But even before, on my cusp of coming out – when I was still straight and working for an adult video distribution company that had a large carved out market to rental video mom and pop stores mostly because the chain stores wouldn’t carry porn – as well as to the handful of video porn stores.


I was shocked to learn from the heterosexual salesmen about their fears in going to sell porn at Little Sisters because they had safety concerns about being attacked or assaulted going in there and the threats to the location itself. They went and they never had any incidents.


I remembering thinking, seriously? this is Canada not the usa….


Yet. It happened. Twice at their original location.


Little Sister’s legal case against Canada Customs was and remains a community rally point – to the point of beyond burn out for the owners and staff as a condition of employment. Essentially.


My next planned to Vancovuer outing is in October, so I am planning to be at Little Sisters at some point, so watch this space for updates. or facebook.



I have to be careful about what else I say, but I think I can mention.


I was in the very first ever group of Canadian Federal Public Servants to march in a Queer Pride Parade. We were from Revenue Canada and Customs.


We almost asked to walk behind Little Sister’s but we were so scared to be out at work and scared to be out in the community too.


Anyway, that’s a complete enough thought on the subject of book bannings.


see also:


Little Sister’s loses Jim Deva

Little Sister’s Vs Big Brother

Happy Pride Parade Vancouver

Banned Books Week 2013




Dykewriter Extras:

Screenplay: A Gay In the Life Of

Screenplay: Coffee

3 Day Novel: Why Do Mannequins Have Nipples?


WordPress Extra – Nina’s Original Blog

My Communications Problem was solved by Star Trek

The Burnings Continue


See also on Youtube:

it starts with burning people…

then you burn books…







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